The college admissions essay may be one of the most intimidating things for students when applying to college. The main goal of the student is to sell themselves, convince the university that they are unique, and the perfect fit for the school. However, the essay also needs to be relevant to one of the questions asked, and fit into a word limit. This is always scary at first, but by compiling thoughts and keeping the expectations and goals of the admissions officers in mind, it is possible.
In “Navigating Genres,” Kerry Dirk stressed the importance of considering location when writing. The location when writing a college essay is extremely important. When writing, I believed the admissions officers’ expectations to be pretty simple: a unique individual, who has learned from or had interesting experiences that shaped them into the person they are, and the the person that is capable to attend and be a great addition to their school. These expectations in mind forced me to think deeper about my own experiences, and write in a way that was convincing and persuasive, yet including only fact, as well as personal yet professional.
The goal that the college essay seeks to accomplish is to sell oneself in a different way than other applicants. Finding individuals that are able to draw on experiences, problems, situations or goals, that may not be extremely unique, but are able to relate it to how it shaped you as a person and what positive aspects it brings to you and therefore your future community. As a genre, the college essay could be truthfully considered a personal essay, while maintaining less of story-telling qualities and more professional ones.
I think you bring up some strong points in your response. I would consider editing some of your sentence structure. For example, “As Dirk spoke about in ‘Navigating Genres,'” seems a little awkward. You could try “In ‘Navigating Genres,’ Kerry Dirk stated…” to make for a smoother sentence.
I would also suggest editing some word choice to make sentences clearer. “It was able to be done” is not a very common phrase, as opposed to “it was possible.” There are a few grammar errors: “fitting into a world limit” rather than “fit,” and “the the” (second paragraph).
Lastly, I would recommend revising some sentences to make sure they are consistent in tense and understandable to the audience. In the first paragraph, you move from “someone,” a “student” to yourself without a transition, so it is confusing at first. I suggest breaking down some of the longer sentences with lots of commas, to avoid run-on sentences and ensure that your point is clear. In the first sentence of the last paragraph, stating that “the goal is” makes the words “this is what the college essay seeks to accomplish” redundant.
I think you wrote a good commentary on our class discussion!
Other than what Mariana already suggested, your response requires little revision as it is well-written and strong.
One thing I would like to add on to the comment about the first sentence of your last paragraph, is to try and combine both parts of the sentence into something that conveys the same message more efficiently. For example you could say “The goal that the college essay seeks to accomplish is to sell oneself in a different way than other applicants” or something along those lines.
Also, a deeper mention and focus on the college essay as a genre rather than simply explaining what a college essay is/does would further improve your response.
Besides the minor nitpicks, great work.
Kristian Arreola