Frankenstein Feedback [Osmond]

Her essay was well thought out and supported her claim that Victor’s ultimate mistake was leaving the monster. I feel that throughout the essay, however, there was a lack of transition sentences. The lack of transition sentences makes the essay feel choppy and at times I had trouble linking together a couple of the paragraphs together. The integration of a couple of transition sentences or transition paragraphs between her paragraphs would help improve the flow of the essay and help strengthen the essay by showing how her evidence links together. Another piece to add I believe would be a link to modern day technology. An example would be to use the quote from Robert Oppenheimer about the atomic bomb or a reference to artificial intelligence or nanotechnology. Since she discusses abandoning the monster, perhaps she can talk about how we need to watch the production of new technology so we will not have a similar situation in Frankenstein. By adding this piece of information, the essay will have more relevance to the reader and will be able to understand the essay better. The last piece of advice I would give is to add on to the conclusion. As of now, it is short and I feel like adding to it and giving it a call to action will effectively finish up your essay. Overall, a good essay, and I agreed with her points and perspective throughout the essay.

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