Frankenstein Feedback [Mumford]

Review of Annette’s paper-
I made some small grammar fixes, and one or two notes throughout the essay, and I like your thesis a lot. I also really like how specific evidence is utilized in every paragraph.

It starts to break down a little on the second page, when you discuss the other scientists, that paragraph is kinda vague, and I dont see how it applies to the thesis. Clarifying how this relates back to your central argument, or just cutting this paragraph out will help the flow of the essay be a little smoother.

My favorite part of the essay is the technology paragraph, you tie the two topics together really well. I would suggest mentioning the connection of the book and technology in your intro paragraph so that the readers are aware that you’re going to make that comparison in the paper somewhere.

It is a really long essay, and in some spots you lose me by going in circles or saying the same thing a few times. You have some cushion with word count, like you have some room to cut some out, so read back through this and make sure only what is necessary is included. Overall I think it’s a really good paper with a strong thesis and evidence, but just be sure that you’re not filling in paragraphs with unnecessary words or info. Be concise and clear. Good job!!!

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