Author Archives: CJ Moloney

Reputation, Relationships, and Responsibility

January 2019 Blog
By Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center

“I know. I’m lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have ’til December, right?” – Catherine O’Hara

It happens daily—the references to “character.” We read about it, we hear about it, we even practice it (at least most of us do).

The most frequently asked question: “What is character?” A quick answer: Character is who you are when no one is looking—or, these days, when everyone is looking (see tweeting).

I decided to frame my answer to the question around specific character strengths as I did in my November blog (gratitude) and December blog (emotions, empathy, and engagement).

My purpose is to encourage you and others (students, colleagues, parents) to think about, to talk about, to ask the “why and how” questions about learning, teaching, and practicing the “strengths” that support good, positive character behaviors.

For this blog I have selected three character strengths—Reputation, Relationships, and Responsibility.

Reputation

One cannot answer the character question better than William Hersey Davis has. (Positive Thoughts, 25 Sep 2016) Bolded words are mine.

Reputation is what you are supposed to be; character is what you are.
The circumstances amid which you live determine your reputation; the truth you believe determines your character.
Reputation is the photograph; character is the face.
Reputation comes over one from without; character grows up from within.
Reputation is what you have when you come to a new community; character is what you have when you go away.
Your reputation is learned in an hour; your character does not come to light for a year.
Reputation is made in a moment; character is built in a lifetime.
Reputation grows like a mushroom; character grows like the oak.
A single newspaper report gives you your reputation; a life of toil givesyou your character.
Reputation makes you rich or makes you poor; character makes you happy or makes you miserable.
Reputation is what people say about you on your tombstone;character is what angels say about you before the throne of God.

Relationships

“Character Development is a relational process. Character is a construct that links the person positively to his or her social world. Relationships are the foundation of character.” – Tuft’s Institute for Applied Research in Youth Development

Research clearly reveals that few factors in K-12 education have a greater impact on students’ educational experiences than a caring relationship with teachers. James Comer, professor of child psychiatry at Yale University, notes that, “No significant learning can occur without a significant relationship.”

We know that positive relationships can help reduce the negative effects of stress and boost one’s self-esteem. In classrooms, we know that it starts with the teacher taking time to build trust with each student. We know that trust has to be a joint responsibility between a teacher and his/her students. Teachers tell us that we need to pay more attention to the “relationship factor” because strong relationships help reduce behavior issues, improve classroom climate, enhance student attitudes and attention, and contribute to student achievement.

John Maxwell invites us to “Relationships 101” and the six most important “relationship” words. He notes that the least important word is “I.”

The most important word: WE
The two most important words: THANK YOU
The three most important words: ALL IS FORGIVEN.
The four most important words: WHAT IS YOUR OPINION?
The five most important words: YOU DID A GOOD JOB.
The six most important words: I WANT TO UNDERSTAND YOU BETTER.

Post this on your bulletin board and your refrigerator.

Responsibility

Responsibility is knowing and doing what is expected of a person; that is, doing what is right, being dependable, and fulfilling what one agrees to do even is if it means “unexpected sacrifice.”

The word “character” has two Cs in it; one stands for “choices” and the other for “consequences.” Living a life of good character doesn’t happen by chance, nor does it happen by circumstance. It happens by the choices one makes.

Our job as teachers and parents is to help young people learn to make good, positive, ethical choices and learn to take responsibility (a virtue) for their actions; to be willing to accept the negative consequences of their actions/behaviors and to do something about them—being responsible.

Sir Josiah Stamp writes: “It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.”

Joan Didion, American journalist, notes that: “Character is the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life – it is the source from which self-respect springs.”

And Denis Waitley, speaker/writer: “The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.”

Character Education Resource Center

The Three “E’s” in December

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By Ed DeRoche

Last month’s blog focused on the “G” (gratitude) in the word “Thanksgiving.” Of the ten blogs I have written this past year, the “G” blog received the most responses.

Well, when you’re on a roll, why change things?

So as you know, the word “December” has three E’s in it. I selected three special E’s to discuss this month – Emotions, Empathy and Engagement.

EMOTIONS

Several months ago I read Dacher Keltner’s book, Born to be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life. He writes that emotions that bring out the “good in others and in one’s self can readily be cultivated” [taught and learned, observed and practiced, modeled and mentored]. “Emotions,” he says, are “the core of our capacities for virtue and cooperation, love and tenderness, and other virtues.”

It’s not news to you that social-emotional learning (SEL) programs are capturing the attention of school personnel and the public. In my March issue of News You Can Use, I provided an array of resources for teachers and administrators who want to implement SEL in their schools.

In a major report titled, The Positive Impact of Social and Emotional Learning for Kindergarten to Eighth-Grade Students, researchers from the Collaborative for Academic, Social and Emotional Learning found that SEL programs improved students’ social-emotional skills, attitudes about self and others, connections to school, positive social behavior, academic performance, reduced students’ conduct problems and emotional distress. Bottom-line: SEL programs are among the most successful youth- development programs offered to school-age youth.

EMPATHY

In one of my blogs, I asked and answered nine questions about empathy. Let me share with you a very important piece of information that teachers and others need for teaching students about empathy.

Researchers Dan Goleman and Paul Ekman report that there are three different ways teachers (and others) must address the teaching and learning of empathy.

The first stage of becoming empathetic is cognitive empathy – the act of knowing how another person feels.
The second stage is emotional empathy – the capacity to physically feel the emotions of another.
The third stage is compassionate empathy – the combination of cognitive and emotional empathy to take action about what one feels and thinks.

Atticus Finch said, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…until you climb in his skin and walk around in it.”
(To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee)

That’s a good way of defining empathy – understanding what someone else is feeling because you have experienced it yourself or you can put yourself in his/her shoes.

ENGAGEMENT

Engagement includes relationships. So let’s start with some interesting information about “engagement” and then follow that with commentary about “relationships.”

A Gallup Poll found that 63% of students in schools are “highly engaged and enthusiastic about school.” Interestingly, there is an “engagement slide” – peaking during elementary school, decreasing through middle school and early high school, and then increasing through the rest of high school.

In a Kappan article on engagement in schools and classrooms, Shane J. Lopez reports that students polled suggest four ways to keep them engaged—note the relationships factor in each:

1) prepare them for the rigors of the work;
2) get to know them;
3) praise and recognize them for good school work, and;
4) have a school wide commit to building the strengths of each student.

“Teachers who are engaged in their work tend to have students who are engaged in learning.”

It is clear that in schools and in life there is a very close connection between emotions, engagement (relationships), and empathy. As author Robert J. Marzano writes:

Positive relationships between teachers and students are among the most commonly cited variables associated with effective instruction. If the relationship is strong, instructional strategies seem to be more effective. Conversely, a weak or negative relationship will mute or even negate the benefits of even the most effective instructional strategies.

Let’s “wrap-it-up.”
December is the month of holy days and holidays.

During this month let us celebrate and apply at home, in school, and where we work these positive emotions—joy, gratitude, hope, inspiration, awe and LOVE.

During this month let us not engage in what Professor William Glasser calls the “seven deadly habits of relationships – criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, and rewarding to control.”

During this month let’s respond positively to Maria Shriver’s request that all of us join the “Inner Peace Corps.” She reminds us that “we are the American family and many of us are hurting and feeling isolated, lonely and scared. Let’s step up. Let’s serve one another. Let’s be friends.”

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Edward DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center December 2018 Blog
For past issues of News You Can Use and Blogs: http://charactermatters.sandiego.edu

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THE “G” IN THANKSGIVING

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November 2018 Blog
By Ed DeRoche, Ph.D.

For a variety of reasons, I have been reading about the “power” of engaging in the “habit” of expressing gratitude in what one says and what one does. I thought that this would be an appropriate topic for this month—celebrating Thanksgiving Day.

Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude, writes: “You literally cannot overplay the hand of gratitude; the grateful mind reaps massive benefits in every domain of life that has been examined so far. There are countless ways in which gratitude could pay off in the workplace (and in homes and schools.).”

Studies have shown that people who experience gratitude have more positive emotions (joy, love, happiness) and exhibit fewer negative emotions (bitterness, envy, resentment.) The “gratitude experience” also contributes to feelings of connectedness, relationships, and better physical health.

Amy L. Eva, Ph.D., the associate education director at the Greater Good Science Center, writes that “you can’t teach gratitude practices in a vacuum—especially to teens….Teens tend to respond more positively to lessons and activities that help them understand themselves and connect with peers….”

In her article, “How to Teach Gratitude to Tweens and Teens,” she cites a special curriculum that offers insights for authentically nurturing gratitude in students (Greater Good Science Center’s website). Dr. Eva writes that there are three key ways to teach gratitude to children and youth.

1. Exploring identity. Identity development remains the central developmental task for adolescents, and this curriculum helps facilitate that by allowing students to explore their character strengths (e.g., traits like honesty, curiosity, perseverance, humility.)

2. Capitalizing on strengths. A gratitude curriculum that builds on strengths is a wonderful counter to focusing on students’ perceived deficits.

3. Building positive relationships. Once they know their strengths, students can leverage them to connect more deeply with others and to do good—in school and beyond.

Two of the first researchers to study gratitude among youth were Jeffrey Froh (Hofstra University) and Giacomo Bono (CSU-Dominguez Hills). They have worked with thousands of children and adolescents across the United States. In a recent study they found “that teens who had high levels of gratitude when entering high school had less negative emotions and depression and more positive emotions, life satisfaction, and happiness four years later when they were finishing high school. They also had more hope and a stronger sense of meaning in life.”

Researchers Froh and Bono note that there are some specific practices that teachers can use in their classrooms. Here are two examples:

1. One practice is keeping a gratitude journal. “We asked middle school students simply to list five things for which there were grateful daily for two weeks, and we compared these students to others who were writing about hassles in their life or basic daily life events….Most significantly, compared to the other students, gratitude journalers reported more satisfaction with their school experience immediately after the two-week period, a result that held up even three weeks later.”

2. Another practice is what they call the gratitude visit. In this exercise they had students “write a letter to someone who had helped them but whom they’d never properly thanked; the students read their letter to him or her in person, then later discuss their experience with others who also completed a gratitude visit.”

I found three excellent resources for helping teach and nurture gratitude. The first—check out the ideas described in the “Gratitude Works Program” sponsored by the National Association of School Psychologists (www.nasponline.org). A second excellent resource, offered byThe Greater Good Science Center, is “Nurturing Gratitude from the Inside Out: 30 Activities for Grades K-8 “in which the curriculum includes 30 activities for grades K–8. For a third informative and useful resource, visit characterlab.org/gratitude for a 14-page booklet on the “Why & How” and several instructional activities.

I’ll end this blog with a strategy that you, as the teacher, can modify to meet your and your students’ needs and interests. I like sharing quotes with students and others. So let’s call this November activity: “Gratitude Quotes Month.”

Activity: Gratitude Quotes Month
There are four full weeks in the month. Let’s assume that the third week—the week that includes Thanksgiving Day—will be a “no school” week.

•Each week students will discuss three quotes.

•Have them read the quotes and tell a little about the author of each quote.

•Reflect on the quotes—share what the quotes mean with others.

•Rewrite the quotes in their own words—draw them, practice them, write
about what happened after they tried them.

•Discuss their experiences in class near the end of each week.

Here are the quotes for the first full week of the month, November 5th – November 9th:

“Gratitude and attitude are not challenges; they are choices.”-Robert Braathe

“The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.” – Henri J.M. Nouwe

“What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.” – Brene Brown

Quotes for the week of the November 12th – November 16th:

“There’s no such thing as too much gratitude. The more of it you express, the more reasons you’ll be given to express it.” – Mike Dooley

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” –William Arthur Ward

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.” –Cicero

Thanksgiving Day Assignment, Thursday, November22nd

•Have students make a list of the things they did with family and friends that show or demonstrated the virtues of ‘kindness,” “thankfulness” and “gratitude.”

•Ask them to bring their list to class next week for a discussion.

For the last week of the month, November 26th – November 30th, have students share the results of their Thanksgiving Day assignment and the following two quotes.

“At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” – Albert Schweitzer

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” – President John F. Kennedy

Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center, USD NOVEMBER 2018 BLOG

All About Character

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October 2018 Blog
By Edward F. DeRoche, Ph.D.

Politicians, the press, the public, and most educators are excited about the Common Core State Standards (CCSS), Science, Technology, Engineering, Arts, and Mathematics (STEAM), and, of course, the ever present thrust for more testing.

Most of us know that knowledge keeps no better than fish—use it or lose it. But the one thing that we carry with us for a lifetime is our “character.”

Recent polls of public attitudes toward schools show that Americans want schools to prepare the young to be academically competent, and career ready. But they want more.

The public is urging educators and others to help children and youth develop character strengths such as kindness, gratitude, self-control, social skills, teamwork, diligence, perseverance, strong work ethic, positive attitudes, ingenuity, integrity, justice, caring, respect, and responsibility—all of which are learned.

What do we know about character? We know that:

• Character is learned—taught to the young by the entertainment industry, the media, the Internet, the environment they live in, their peers and role models, and hopefully by parents, teachers, schools, youth agencies, and religious institutions.

• Character is about strengths and virtues that guide an individual “to act in an ethical, pro-social manner.”

• Character is about choices—the ones we make daily (good or bad, ethical or unethical). It is about decision-making—the circumstances, the risks, the chances, the consequences, and the rewards.

• Character is about relationships and social skills—skills such as sharing, participating, following directions, and listening. It is learning how to be a friend, how to care for others, how to appreciate others, how to be polite, respectful, courteous, and how to resolve conflicts peacefully.

Character is about “emotional” self-discipline.
Character is who you are when no one is looking, or when everyone is looking.

What, then, is character education? Let’s use the U.S Department of Education’s definition:

Character education is a learning process that enables students and adults in a school community to understand, care about and act on core ethical values such as respect, justice, civic virtue and citizenship, and responsibility for self and others.

In schools, character education must be approached comprehensively to include the emotional, intellectual and moral qualities of a person or group. It must offer multiple opportunities for students to learn about, discuss and enact positive social behaviors. Student leadership and involvement are essential for character education to become a part of a student’s beliefs and actions.

The most frequently asked question—the one I get most from educators and parents—what’s the payoff?

One, a commitment to making character education an integral part of the education process will increase students’ academic achievement. For example, among middle-school students, the character strengths of perseverance, love, gratitude, hope, and perspective, predict academic achievement.

Two, character education in schools has a broad impact on students’ pro-social and moral behaviors by developing their problem-solving skills, building positive peer relationships, enhancing their self- esteem, improving their interpersonal skills, and strengthening their ability at self-regulation (control).

A third “pay-off”—an effective character education program shows that the school will become a more caring community, that discipline referrals will drop, that quality of peer and adult relationships will improve, and that students’ will make a greater commitment to schooling and academic achievement.

Professors Tom Hierck and Kent Peterson (University of Wisconsin- Madison) found that there are 19 student and staff behaviors that contribute to a positive school climate.

Showing pride in school Collaboration
Kindness
Taking pride in one’s work Leadership
Helping others
Using time wisely
Being prepared
Love of learning
Making good choices
Active listening Cooperation
Using appropriate communication
Caring
Self-reliance Perseverance/resilience
Making an insightful comment Organization
Going above and beyond

Take note of how many of these behaviors are character-related.

My First Parent-Teacher Conference

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September Blog 2018
By Ed DeRoche

When I was a kid, my father and mother took me to my first parent-teacher conference. I told them that students did not attend these meetings. “You’re going.” I don’t know why my parents wanted me there because I did not plan to participate in their conversation. But I knew it was a big deal when they dressed up as if they were going to church.

As we waited in the hall to see my teacher, I noticed that other parents were giving me that “What is he doing here?” look. I knew then that all the other fifth-graders would hear about this tomorrow and that I’d be heckled all day long.

The classroom door opened and there stood Ms. James (a first year teacher leading her first parent-conference). She was smiling. I gasped! This was the first time I had seen Ms. James really smile. My friend, Andy, told me that teachers were ordered not to smile until winter break.

Ms. James seemed as nervous as my parents. There they were—three grown-ups, six pairs of eyes looking at me—as I was told to sit in the chair next to Ms. James’ desk, facing my parents. Their looks suggested (maybe demanded) that I pay “attention.”

Ms. James kept smiling as if something very funny was going to happen. I failed to see the humor in having to attend this meeting, but Ms. James seemed to be conveying the message that I was going to benefit from it.

When we were settled in and ready to talk, I noticed that Ms. James glanced at a card on her desk that had printed in big bold letters: Smile and be pleasant.

She handed my parents my report card, smiling. My Father began to breathe heavily and I noticed beads of perspiration on his forehead. My Mother clutched her pocketbook and kept saying, “Not my son! Not my son!” Being as astute as one could be at that age, I immediately sensed that something was wrong. Ms. James turned to me and gave me a “not to worry look.”

The report card went back to Ms. James who said, “Edward could do much better if he tried.” My Father retorted, “We have heard that story for the last four years.” My Mother asked, “Why doesn’t he do well in school?” This question and the possibility that my Mother might cry seemed to fluster Ms. James. I caught her glancing at another card on her desk: Stress pupil’s strengths.

“You must understand,” she said hurriedly, “Edward has a few strong areas on which we can build.” My Father countered, “Obviously school work is not one of them.” Ignoring my Father’s remark, Ms. James noted that I got a good grade in physical education, that all I talked about was sports, but needed to do better in the academic subjects.

My Father agreed and asked Ms. James, ”How do you explain the fact that he is not doing well?” Ms. James didn’t answer the question right away realizing, I think, that there were few strengths to talk about. She immediately checked another card on her desk: Be frank about weaknesses.

I looked at the classroom clock to see how much time we had left. This topic could easily take up most of the conference. I heard Ms. James say that such failures were usually the result of heredity and/or environment, sometimes both. I’m not sure what she meant but my Mother quickly responded that our family tree was loaded with teachers.

Ms. James told my parents that I appeared to be a slow reader, inattentive, a procrastinator (I looked it up when I got home) with limited interests except, of course, in sports. At this point Ms. James noticed that my parents appeared speechless. I don’t know why. Ms. James hit a “home-run” with her description— that was ME! She decided to move on and quickly checked the next card on her desk: Discuss student’s social adjustment.

“Let’s look at the citizenship side of Edward’s report card,” she said. “As you can see Edward appears to be an introvert and his social skills need work.” Another “home- run” for Ms. James! She added, “As you can also see, most of the checkmarks are in the ‘Needs Improvement’ column.” She went on to explain to my parents (and I guess to me as well) that we must get along with everyone, that we do things in groups, that this is our class where everyone is expected to cooperate and help one another.

My Father: “How can Edward learn school subjects if he has to spend time trying to be cooperative?” Ms. James sensed that he didn’t expect an answer and checked the last card on her desk: End conference on a positive note.

Ms. James: “Edward has the potential. I hope all of us can work on that.” There was a long pause. I’m not sure that my parents agreed with her. I don’t think they understood how she came to that conclusion given the information on my report card.

But they had not seen Ms. James in the classroom. She may not smile, but my classmates and I would “swear” to her enthusiasm, her persistence, and her determination in not letting one of us “off the hook.” These days, I think they call it “responsibility.”

The conference ended. As we left the classroom, Ms. James gave me a “thumbs-up” and told my parents that she would keep them informed about my “progress.”

Walking back to our car, I started to worry about my immediate future. Evidently, my mother was worrying about the same thing, saying, “Edward, I just do not know what on earth you’ll turn out to be.”

When we got into the car I asked my Dad to turn on the Red Sox-Yankee game. All I heard were two big sighs. I wondered why.

EDWARD is the Director of the Character Education Resource Center, Department of Learning & Teaching, SOLES, University of San Diego.

Starting Your School Year with a Sense of Humor

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August 2018 Blog By Ed DeRoche

“One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw mater, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant for for the soul of the child.” — Carl Jung

To get ideas for a blog on how new and veteran teachers can successfully prepare for a new school year, I spent an hour on the Internet and discovered a rich source of advice and suggestions for teachers. The range of information includes ideas on how to arrange your classroom, 50 ways of getting through the first week, and 101 ways for handling stress throughout the school year.

So, what is left for me to say? Very little, except some personal observations for what they are worth, and maybe a smile or two because I’ve touched on experiences that you have had or heard about. I begin with a reminder. Your students have had three months off. That means they have lost three months of learning and some people may blame you for this loss.

By now you may have spent some of your own money on school supplies and your own non-paid time getting your classroom ready— arranging the desks, adding decorations, finding out if the equipment works, hanging posters, counting textbooks, and enjoying the quietness of preparation. You probably have the photocopying machine humming because you know—or have heard—that the best way to quiet a classroom of unfocused, talkative students is to give them a packet of worksheets.

You also know that during that first week of school you have to over plan because when kids have nothing to do, things happen. Some educational specialist will tell you to greet each student—shake hands, and look them straight in the eye when doing this. Maybe give a hug or two (careful here, check the school policy on hugging). The experts also suggest that you to get to know your students’ names as soon as possible—no nicknames until the second semester.

All agree that you must review your classroom rules as soon as possible, generally within the first hour. It’s best to post them. Kids have a tendency to forget “rules” at school and at home. The experts also suggest that you “get to it,” start teaching content, impress the students with your knowledge and make it look like they might learn something.

Some specialists recommend that you send a letter or email to parents during the first week of school. There are all kinds of sample letters on the Internet so you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Be sure to tell the parents how much you look forward to teaching their son/daughter this year. The rule is: Stop thinking of what could go wrong and start thinking of what could go right.

Here is something you might consider. I just heard a speaker who talked about having his children sign a “contract” with him and their mother about the use of media in their home—what is expected, what they can and cannot do, how much time they can spend on their media devices. This might be a good idea for you. Develop a “contract” (or call it an “agreement”) in which you list your expectations for the students in your class. Invite parents to do the same—invite them to send you information about their expectations. It might be interesting to get the students in on this idea as well by having them list their expectations. Thus, a three-way contract to be discussed and used as a guide for the school year.

I was once told that it is a good idea to end a blog with bullet points, so here are a few:

• Do not go into the teachers’ room during the first month. You may hear things that will destroy your enthusiasm for teaching the rest of the year.

• Develop a sense of humor—quickly. Your students’ behaviors will contribute to this. Humor is going to help you stay mentally healthy.

• In many cases, teaching can be and often is stressful. There are days when you will be angry, frustrated, anxious, and emotional. Do something about it. Take a break, write about your feelings in a journal, go to the movies, the theater, etc. Most importantly, do something physical. Try yoga, take a long walk, jog, or work in your yard. Also, be flexible. Set your own comfortable pace and schedule, and work on developing a positive attitude about things.

• Teaching can be a lonely experience. Don’t let it be. Collaborate! Cooperate! Be a leader and team player. Get involved in school and community activities. Take a professional development course. Also, go online, there are a number of teacher blogs and forums that offer advice for dealing with stress, for invigorating your teaching, and for inspiring you to keep going. A positive relationship is to your mental health as location is to real estate.

Did You Know that KINDNESS is the “New Classy?”
By Ed DeRoche
July 2018 Blog

In June, I wrote a blog on “kindness” noting a few highlights from a new book written by Professor Thomas Lickona, How to Raise Kind Kids: And Get Respect, Gratitude, and a Happier Family in the Bargain. The blog set the stage for his presentation at our annual “Character Matters” conference in late June.

The weekend following the conference, I went to a bookstore and I discovered a book on the same topic titled Kind is the New Classy. It was written by Candace Cameron Bure (CCB). I bought the book.

I read the book as a teacher and parent would; that is, what could I take from this book on kindness that I might use in my home and classroom?

CCB’s book is faith-based. She reveals a strong belief in God (example: “Go to God First,” p.73). She uses quotes from Scripture to underscore her views and comments about “kindness.” She writes that the secret she has learned is that “kindness is classy, unexpected, even counter- cultural, and ultimately wins the day.”

In the book’s introduction, titled “The Real Secret of Classy Women,” she writes: “I believe our world is in need of more women who value the virtue of kindness….In this book, we will talk about character traits (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self- control) I believe make women truly remarkable…it simply takes choice and lifelong practice.”

I liked the way CCB framed each of her 10 chapter titles.

1. Finding Your “Why”– Kindness knows its purpose
2. Grace under Fire – Kindness keeps its cool even in hot topics
3. Kindness, Please – Kindness recognizes the image of God in all people
4. Dream Big, Pray Harder – Kindness gets ambitious for the good of others
5. Bad Hair Days and Bad Heart Days – Kindness practices healthy self-care
6. The Gift of Self-Control – Kindness takes responsibility for its choices and actions
7. Come On In – Kindness opens its door and life to others
8. Graciously Bold – Kindness steps forward in confidence for what’s right
9. My Best Friendship Advice – Kindness works to cultivate meaningful relationships
10. Sending Out the Bat-Signal – Kindness starts small and trusts every action matters

Each chapter tells the why and how through stories, quotes, and examples. She concludes each chapter with an invitation called “Your Turn.”

Here are a few excerpts from the book that caught my attention.

• Manners Matter – “Good manners are about putting others’ needs first, before your own.”

• Kindness “sends out chemical shock waves. It increases our mental, emotional, and physical energy, helping us to combat negative forces like anxiety and high blood pressure.”

• “Kindness, compassion, and empathy are values we can all get behind regardless of whether we agree on every issue.”

• CCB’s chapter on “self-control” is instructive. “It is a gift,” she writes, that “God has given me, and my job is to use it.”

• She notes three areas in which to use the gift of self-control: “our bodies, our minds, and our souls.”

• She reminds us that “the only thing you can truly control is your own behavior.”

• One last gem that caught my attention has to do with her six characteristics for choosing our friends. “I want friends,” she writes, “who are kind, strong, loyal, gentle, encouraging, and principled.”

Kind is the New Classy and it should be. CCB tells us why and how. She discusses character traits such as peace, goodness, faithfulness, and empathy. She reminds us of the importance of self-control, manners, and friendships.

My “kind” advice as a parent and teacher: Buy the book! Read it! Use it! Share it!

As Forrest Gump might say it: “Kindness is, what kindness does.” It is about caring and respecting. What it does benefits givers and receivers.

Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center, SOLES

The “Kindness” Book

By Ed DeRoche

“Kindness” is one of the topics to be presented at the Character Matters Conference at the end of this month.

Last month, I received a copy of Thomas Lickona’s new book, How to Raise Kind Kids: And Get Respect, Gratitude, and a Happier Family in the Bargain (Penguin, 2018).

I’ve read it—twice. The book advises parents, teachers, and caregivers on everything they need to know about “kindness,” and about ten essential virtues that function as a “supporting cast” for kindness – wisdom, justice, fortitude, self-control, love, positive attitude, hard work, integrity, gratitude, and humility.

Lickona notes that his long career has focused on character education and teacher training. A long-time proponent of character education, one of his earliest books, Character Matters–Educating for Character: How Our Schools Can Teach Respect and Responsibility (Bantam, 1991), was a major resource when Professor Mary Williams and I started writing and speaking about the topic, and when creating the Center here at USD.

I want to focus this blog on what I see as the framework that Lickona uses to develop the “important principles and practices” that can guide parents, teachers, and caregivers in helping children and youth on the road to good character; that is, character, character education, and character coaches.

He suggests that there are two types of character—moral character and performance character. Moral character “inspires us to be good and performance character enable us to do good well.” He reminds us that the good side of one’s character consists of our virtues, our good habits, and that the bad side of character involves our bad habits. He notes that “in a very real sense, we become our habits. Our responsibility as parents and teachers is to help kids develop good habits…Character, good or bad, is composed of learned habits and behavior

The way I see it is that:
• The word CHARACTER has two Cs in it; one stands for CHOICES and the other for CONSEQUENCES.

• Living a life of good character doesn’t happen by CHANCE, nor does it happen by CIRCUMSTANCES. It happens by CHOICE.• CHOICE is influenced, most times by CIRCUMSTANCES and CULTURE.

Given today’s situations, we should underline Lickona’s observation that:

“Human behavior has always been influenced by the interaction of character and culture. Think of character as what’s on the inside—the capacities and dispositions that influence how we act and react. Culture is what’s on the outside—all of the factors in our environment…and then in any given situation, the outside influences bring out either the best or the worst of our character.”

“We know,” he says, “that good character involves knowing what’s right, and doing what’s right—and that doing is the hardest part. We become good by doing good.”

In regards to character education, Lickona writes schools that have effective character education initiatives ensure that students have voice (an opportunity to shape the culture of their school) and are engaged in “high quality” cooperative learning. Character education “trains the heart as well as the mind.” It helps children “not just to know that something is wrong, but to feel that it is wrong.”

From the perspective of character education, Lickona writes, every moment of the school day is a “character moment.” “To a large degree, our children create their character by the choices they make every day.”

Not in the book, but something that educators and the parents should know: Researchers at UC-Berkeley surveyed 400 students ages 12-14 in which they found that students “who were more likely to be grateful to others [I am adding “kindness” here] showed higher academic interest, grades, and extracurricular involvement, and had lower interest in risky behaviors.” Positive parent relationships was also associated with gratitude (and probably with many habits of the heart including “kindness”).

Lickona urges parents, teachers, and caregivers to become what he calls character coaches.

• Being a character coach means “teaching children character skills like self-control and kindness in very deliberate ways and then helping kids practice them again and again….”

• Becoming a character coach “means giving your child/children opportunities for moral action in family life (and I would say in schools as well) and…the toughest part…is doing so in the heat of the moment….

• Character coaches know that the “family is a child’s first school of virtue and that the qualities that make up good character…grow in a family culture.”

• “Character coaches do all they can to help children and to stay on the road to good character.”

Research, Lickona tells us, finds that children’s character development is best supported by “a stable and loving family environment where they teach respect for legitimate authority, where children are held accountable for their actions and behaviors [and] where children have meaningful responsibilities in family life.”

The book is filled with advice, examples, stories, research, and resources for home (parents/caregivers) and school (teachers/administrators). Here are a few – by the numbers:

3 Ways that family meetings foster character development
6 Principles that can guide our efforts to raise kind children
15 Character-based tools and strategies for your discipline toolbox
10 Tips for holding good family meetings (and I might add for good classroom meetings)
7 Guidelines for children’s TV watching
4 Steps to making good decisions
10 Ways to teach and practice gratitude
20 Questions using the “True-Love Character Test”

“Every child deserves a home and school where children and youth are learning to be smart and good.”

My advice as a parent and teacher: Buy the book! Read it! Use it! Share it!

THE “HARD” PART ABOUT “SOFT SKILLS”
By Ed DeRoche

“Hard skills” are often thought of as the occupational skills necessary to complete the tangible elements of a job….”Soft skills” can be seen as the behavioral ways in which people go about their occupational tasks. Leadership requires a sophisticated approach to both. Brian Evje, Inc., Nov. 8, 2012

Those of you who read my monthly blogs know that I am enthusiastic about teaching students social skills, emotional skills, thinking skills, and positive character traits.

Over the past few years, business people have been talking and writing about the skill development of employees focusing on the need for developing their “soft skills.” I read that CEOs are starting to talk about wanting employees who are trustworthy, empathetic, adaptable, who can manage their emotions (self control), and have the skills to be better decision-makers. It has been reported that 85 percent of those who lose jobs do so because of inadequate social skills, and that children who scored high on social skills were four times as likely to graduate from college than those who scored low.

In early April, Phil Blair, co-founder of Manpower San Diego, wrote an advice column in the Business Section of the San Diego Union Tribune (4-9-18) titled “Turning Your Soft Skills Into Your Strongest Talents.” Blair noted that business executives reported that among the “technical” talents employees bring to their work and the workplace, there is a need for employees to learn and demonstrate “soft skills” – behavioral attributes such as “adaptability, cultural competence, empathy, intellectual curiosity and 360-degree thinking.”

The Graduate School at the University of Cincinnati compiled a list of the 10 top soft skills that employers seek (with definitions not included here).

1. Dependability/Reliability
2. Motivation/Initiative
3. Communication
4. Commitment
5. Creativity
6. Flexibility
7.Problem Solving
8. Teamwork
9. Leadership
10.Time Management

https://grad.uc.edu/student-life/news/soft-skills.html

In addition, there have been numerous discussions about students and employees learning and using “21st century skills.” There are an abundance of skill lists. A couple of examples will give you the “skill picture” of the future. One group’s list includes:

Ways of Thinking (creativity, critical thinking, problem-solving, decision-making, and learning)
Ways of Working (communication and collaboration)
Tools for Working (information and communications technology, and information literacy)
Skills for Living (citizenship, life and career, and personal and social responsibility)

According to this group’s team managers, the two skills that cut across all four categories are “collaborative problem solving” and “learning in digital networks.”

The Thoughtful Learning Group notes that 21st century learning skills are captured in the 4 C’s: critical thinking, creative thinking, communicating, and collaborating.

Critical thinking is focused, careful analysis of something to better understand it.
Creative thinking is expansive, open-ended invention and discovery of possibilities.

Communicating involves a range of skills such as analyzing, evaluating, reading, speaking, writing, etc.

Collaborative skills require one to be engaged in team building, resolving conflict, managing time, etc.

This May blog offers the what and why but says little about how. I will leave that to you and your colleagues. I think it is fair to say that “hard skills” (STEM) give one the occupational/technical skills to make a living (smart) and the “soft skills” (character education) helps one make that living worthwhile (good).

The 80/20 Rule: It was established back in 1918 by Mann’s study on engineering education that approximately 80 percent of success is due to soft skills while 20 percent is due to hard skills. – National Soft Skills Association, August 3, 2017

THE PRINCIPAL: CHARACTER, COLLABORATION, COMMITMENT

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APRIL 2018 BLOG by Ed DeRoche

This blog was written as a direct result of reading David Brooks’s column, “Good Leaders Make Good Schools” which I will summarize below. The column topic reminded me of previous notes and publications that I wrote about school leadership.

For example, several years ago, I published an article in the Journal of Humanistic Counseling, Education, and Development (September 2000, Vol. 39, Issue 1) titled, “Leadership for Character Education Programs.” I suggested school principals and program leaders should be visionaries, missionaries, consensus builders, knowledge sources, standard bearers, architects, role models, communicators, collaborators, resource providers, and evaluators. For each responsibility, I offered commentary about the “what and why.”

Elsewhere, I described two views about character and leadership.

One was that of Zenger and Folkman (The Extraordinary Leader) who made a clear case that “Character is the center pole, the core of leadership effectiveness.”

The other was a summary of the Turknett Leadership Group’s “Leadership Character Model.” Their view is that “Leadership is about character – who you are not, what you do.” Their model includes three core qualities as the keys of leadership character:
1) Integrity [honesty, credibility, trustworthy];
2) Respect (empathy, lack of blame, motivational mastery, humility); and
3) Responsibility (self-confidence, accountability, focus on the whole, courage).

(www.turknett.com)

Current research about school principals is exciting and informative. The Knowledge Center at www.wallacefoundation.org contains more than 70 publications about school leadership. In my readings of a few of the reports, I found evidence that effective principals establish leadership teams, led by the principal, assistant principals, and teacher leaders. Team members shared responsibility for student progress.

Another discovery (at least for me) was that effective principals encourage collaboration “paying special attention to how school time is allocated.” Another study reported that, coupled with collaboration, “principals who rated highly for the strength of their actions (commitment) to improve instruction were also more apt to encourage the staff to work collaboratively.” Note this important finding,

“When principals and teachers share leadership, teachers’ working relationships with one another are stronger and student achievement is higher.”

Now, all of this information is what I call “in-house stuff.” My point—the public knows little about these significant findings. Thus, it is left to journalists and the media to bring this important information to the public, especially parents, board members, and community leaders.

David Brooks did this in his column, “Good Leaders Make Good Schools” (NYT, 3-12, 2018).
In brief, this is what he wrote.

If you want to learn how to improve city schools, look how Washington D.C., New Orleans, and Chicago are already doing it.
Restructuring schools and increasing teacher quality don’t get you very far without a strong principal.

How do they do this he asks? His answer, “They build a culture…set by their behavior” (character).

He also notes that “it takes five to seven years for a principal to have full impact on a school….When you learn about successful principals, you keep coming back to character traits they embody and spread: energy, trustworthiness, honesty, optimism, determination, and promotes a collaborative power structure.”

In bold type he writes a key finding from researchers who studied principals in 180 schools across nine states and concluded, “We have not found a single case of a school improving its student achievement record in absence of talented leadership.”

Brooks concludes, “We went through a period when we believed you could change institutions without first changing the character of the people in them. But we were wrong. Social transformation follows personal transformation.”

The question for current school principals posed by Baruti K. Kafele, an award- winning former urban principal in New Jersey: “Is my school a better school because I lead it?”

His answer:

“It’s my strong belief that to lead your school forward, you must consider this question daily. To answer this question affirmatively, you must be absolutely clear about who you are as the school leader, what your mission is, what purpose drives your work, and how you envision the future of your leadership and school. These characteristics determine who you are, what you’re about, why you’re about it, and where you are going. They serve as a mirror for why you do this work in the first place. You must lead your school with the confidence to say, ‘Yes, my school is, in fact, a better school because I lead it.’ And when you do, students win.”

https://www.sandiego.edu/soles/character-education-resource-center/