Tag Archives: Relationships

It’s Time for C-P-R

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By Ed DeRoche, Ph.D.

Welcome back to a new school year! 

Last month, I read David Brooks’ new book, The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life—a book about relationships and commitment. 

Brooks says he wrote the book to “compensate for the limitations” of his first book on character, The Road to Character.  That book, he notes, was written while he was “still enclosed in the prison of individualism”—the “resume virtues” of career, successes, accomplishments, rewards, fame, and self-interests, or the “first mountain.”  

Thus, the idea for this blog on Commitment, Purpose, and Relationships.  I hope you take classroom time early in this new school year to encourage your students to think about, talk about, and practice C-P-R at home, in school, and in your classroom.  

COMMITMENTS are the school for moral formation. The “disposition to do well is what having good character is all about.”   (Brooks) 

The word, commitment, has several synonyms.  I picked three— intentionality, responsibility, and promise.  One question for classroom discussion might be, “What promises should you make to your students and they make to you and their classmates? “ 

Our job as educators (and parents) is to help students understand the importance of making and keeping commitments (responsibility/promises).  This understanding will have a positive influence on their academic performance as well as their personal and social behaviors. 

Psychologist Angela L. Duckworth’s wrote that she “recently surveyed thousands of adolescents about their positive and negative emotions, then asked their teachers to rate them on the same scales.  The correlation between how students were really feeling and what their teachers perceived was surprisingly weak and, in some schools, close to zero.  In other words, it’s hard to know how someone feels unless you ask…and listen.”  

This school year make a commitment to listen, to question, to be “tuned in” to your students’ emotions and behaviors.  

PURPOSE:  “Our commitments give us a sense of purpose.” (Brooks) 

The question for you, me, and other adults is:  How do we help students develop a sense of purpose about what they do in school, in our classrooms, and elsewhere?  

Our job as educators (and parents) is to help children and youth learn to take responsibility for their actions, to be willing to accept the negative consequences of their actions and behaviors, and to do something about them—be responsible.  

William Damon, Director of the Stanford Center on Adolescence says a sense of purpose is “the long-term, number one motivator in life.”  He writes:  

“Schools must address the ‘why’ question with students about all that they do.  Why do people study math and science?  Why is it important to read and write?  To spell words correctly?  Why have I (the teacher) chosen teaching as my occupation?  Addressing this question in front of students, which unaccountably teachers rarely do, not only helps students better understand the purpose of schooling but also exposes them to a respected adult’s own quest for purpose.  Why do we have rules against cheating?  This is a good opportunity to convey moral standards such as honesty, fairness, and integrity and is a missed opportunity in most schools, even those with strong character education agendas.  Why are you, and your fellow students, here at all?” 

“Research shows that young people rarely have a sense of purpose.  Only about one in five high schoolers and one in three college-aged youth reports leading a life of purpose.” says Kendall Cotton Bronk, Associate Professor of Psychology in the Division of Behavioral and Social Sciences (Claremont Graduate University).   

RELATIONSHIP is the driver of change—underscored by a “Tremendous emphasis of listening and conversation.” (Brooks)  

We need to pay more attention to the “relationship factor” because strong relationships are the “life line” in helping to reduce behavior issues, improve classroom climate, enhance student attitudes and attention, and contribute to student achievement.  We know that positive relationships can help reduce the negative effects of stress and boost one’s self-esteem. 

Katrina Schwartz reports:  

“Classroom educators know better than anyone else how much of learning is built on the strength of relationships in the room.  When students like and trust their teacher, they learn better.  Veteran teachers know those factors often hinder teachers’ ability to form relationships.  But a slow shift may be coming as some school leaders are starting to recognize that the health and happiness of teachers, students, and staff depend on making space in school for relationship building.”  

Your take-aways:  

C-P-R is your and your students “life-line” to a peaceful, promising, and productive new school year.  

C-P-R captures essential behaviors that underscore the character formation of students.  

C-P-R must be taught and modeled.   

“At the end of the day, it’s not about what you have or even what you’ve accomplished.  It’s about what you’ve done with those accomplishments.  It’s about who you’ve lifted up, who you’ve made better.  It’s about what you’ve given back.”   —Denzel Washington     

Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center, SOLES

The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life, David Brooks. New York: Random House, 2019.  

William Damon, “Teachers can still instill sense of purpose,” Education Next, Summer 2009 / Vol. 9, No. 3

Kendall Cotton Bronk | Five Ways to Foster Purpose in Adolescents, December 21, 2017. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/ 

Katrina Schwartz, Helping Teens Find Purpose: A Tool For Educators To Support Students’ Discovery, September 25, 2017 KQED News 

Reputation, Relationships, and Responsibility

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January 2019 Blog
By Ed DeRoche, Director,  Character Education Resource Center

“I know. I’m lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have ’til December, right?” – Catherine O’Hara

It happens daily—the references to “character.” We read about it, we hear about it, we even practice it (at least most of us do).

The most frequently asked question: “What is character?” A quick answer: Character is who you are when no one is looking—or, these days, when everyone is looking (see tweeting).

I decided to frame my answer to the question around specific character strengths as I did in my November blog (gratitude) and December blog (emotions, empathy, and engagement).

My purpose is to encourage you and others (students, colleagues, parents) to think about, to talk about, to ask the “why and how” questions about learning, teaching, and practicing the “strengths” that support good, positive character behaviors.

For this blog I have selected three character strengths—Reputation, Relationships, and Responsibility.

Reputation

One cannot answer the character question better than William Hersey Davis has. (Positive Thoughts, 25 Sep 2016) Bolded words are mine. 

  • Reputation is what you are supposed to be; character is what you are.
  • The circumstances amid which you live determine your reputation; the truth you believe determines your character.
  • Reputation is the photograph; character is the face.
  • Reputation comes over one from without; character grows up from within.
  • Reputation is what you have when you come to a new community; character is what you have when you go away.
  • Your reputation is learned in an hour; your character does not come to light for a year.
  • Reputation is made in a moment; character is built in a lifetime.
  • Reputation grows like a mushroom; character grows like the oak.
  • A single newspaper report gives you your reputation; a life of toil givesyou your character.
  • Reputation makes you rich or makes you poor; character makes you happy or makes you miserable.
  • Reputation is what people say about you on your tombstone;character is what angels say about you before the throne of God.

Relationships

“Character Development is a relational process. Character is a construct that links the person positively to his or her social world. Relationships are the foundation of character.” – Tuft’s Institute for Applied Research in Youth Development

Research clearly reveals that few factors in K-12 education have a greater impact on students’ educational experiences than a caring relationship with teachers. James Comer, professor of child psychiatry at Yale University, notes that, “No significant learning can occur without a significant relationship.” 

We know that positive relationships can help reduce the negative effects of stress and boost one’s self-esteem. In classrooms, we know that it starts with the teacher taking time to build trust with each student. We know that trust has to be a joint responsibility between a teacher and his/her students. Teachers tell us that we need to pay more attention to the “relationship factor” because strong relationships help reduce behavior issues, improve classroom climate, enhance student attitudes and attention, and contribute to student achievement. 

John Maxwell invites us to “Relationships 101” and the six most important “relationship” words. He notes that the least important word is “I.” 

  • The most important word: WE
  • The two most important words: THANK YOU
  • The three most important words: ALL IS FORGIVEN.
  • The four most important words: WHAT IS YOUR OPINION?
  • The five most important words: YOU DID A GOOD JOB.
  • The six most important words: I WANT TO UNDERSTAND YOU BETTER.

Post this on your bulletin board and your refrigerator.

Responsibility

Responsibility is knowing and doing what is expected of a person; that is, doing what is right, being dependable, and fulfilling what one agrees to do even is if it means “unexpected sacrifice.” 

The word “character” has two Cs in it; one stands for “choices” and the other for “consequences.” Living a life of good character doesn’t happen by chance, nor does it happen by circumstance. It happens by the choices one makes. 

Our job as teachers and parents is to help young people learn to make good, positive, ethical choices and learn to take responsibility (a virtue) for their actions; to be willing to accept the negative consequences of their actions/behaviors and to do something about them—being responsible. 

Sir Josiah Stamp writes:  “It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.” 

Joan Didion, American journalist, notes that: “Character is the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life – it is the source from which self-respect springs.” 

And Denis Waitley, speaker/writer:  “The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” 

Character Education Resource Center