All of my comments on your google document are going to be pretty much the same as here. Instead of saying “I believe” or “think”, you should be more assertive with your claim to make your argument seem more confident. When you say I believe\/think, it makes it sound like you are unsure and not confident. The second paragraph feels like it is a counter argument where you state that some can argue creating the monster was Victors biggest mistake, and then you state all of the things that happened because of the monster. But you don’t counter this argument in this paragraph and it feels awkward where it is placed. The “grey goo” is a good example and use of tying in Joy’s article. It connects very well with your explanation and it supports your thoughts well. The end of your fourth paragraph was confusing to me because I didn’t quite understand the analysis and how it connects to why he abandoned the monster. Fifth paragraph is very good and the examples are strong. I think this is the strongest part of your essay because it is where you give your best evidence to your claim. Touch up the conclusion to make it more clear, but it does a good job with rounding everything up and bringing it all together. The quotes are different font than the rest of the text, so make sure that it is all the same font.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
All of my comments on your google document are going to be pretty much the same as here. Instead of saying “I believe” or “think”, you should be more assertive with your claim to make your argument seem more confident. Continue reading