The essay Ryan A. wrote was overall pretty good. The intro is generally pretty solid, with a few word choice problems and small fixes to make, with a good thesis. The first body paragraph I thought had way too much plot summary in it, which can be cut since our audience has already read the essay. Instead perhaps focus on the strong passion Victor has and how it foreshadows a problem, rather than how the passion grew to be. Sometimes you make some pretty bold claims from a quote, not explaining how the quote portrays that theme or otherwise. I like that you added a quote from Oppenheimer, but you kind of just throw it in there, without elaborating on it and comparing\/contrasting it to Frankenstein. The long quotes I think are formatted correctly, but I feel as if you could cut some pointless things out and just embed the quotes with some “…”<\/p>\n
Also I think that when the creature first awakens, Frankenstein does not really regret creating the creature, but more is so disgusted that he doesn’t know what to do. If you’re going to claim that Frankenstein regrets creating the creature right after it comes to life, you have to support that because it is a debatable claim. Then your last body paragraph is solid and I think you wrap up your essay well.<\/p>\n
In all, just try to cut some of the plot summary, rephrase some small errors, and then work on implementing more analysis into your essay especially first and second body paragraphs, as there are times you make claims about the quotes without explaining your reasoning.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The essay Ryan A. wrote was overall pretty good. The intro is generally pretty solid, with a few word choice problems and small fixes to make, with a good thesis. The first body paragraph I thought had way too much Continue reading