{"id":638,"date":"2020-12-17T11:37:19","date_gmt":"2020-12-17T19:37:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sites.sandiego.edu\/character\/?p=638"},"modified":"2020-12-17T11:45:14","modified_gmt":"2020-12-17T19:45:14","slug":"the-better-angels-of-our-nature","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites.sandiego.edu\/character\/blog\/2020\/12\/17\/the-better-angels-of-our-nature\/","title":{"rendered":"The &#8220;Better Angels of Our Nature&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><i>Some things you must never stop refusing to bear.\u00a0<\/i><i>Injustice and courage and dishonor and shame.\u00a0<\/i><i>No matter how young you are or how old you have got. &#8211; <\/i>William Faulkner, <i>Intruder in the Dust<\/i><\/p>\n<p>In this blog, I am adding to Faulkner\u2019s suggestion that children, teens, and adults \u201cmust never stop refusing to bear\u201d &#8211; to include kindness, respect, apology\/forgiveness, and integrity.<\/p>\n<p>You may recall that my blog for October, \u201cThere is No Debating Civility,\u201d addressed the issue of civility.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>I follow-up with five resources teachers and others might use for teaching \u201ccivility\u201d in the November issue of <i>News You Can Use<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Next, came the popular <a href=\"http:\/\/sites.sandiego.edu\/character\/files\/2020\/12\/Screen-Shot-2020-12-17-at-11.30.17-AM.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-639 alignleft\" src=\"http:\/\/sites.sandiego.edu\/character\/files\/2020\/12\/Screen-Shot-2020-12-17-at-11.30.17-AM.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"198\" height=\"152\" \/><\/a>November blog, \u201cThe Masks of Character,\u201d in which I discussed the virtues of commitment, responsibility, gratitude, perseverance, empathy, and faith.<\/p>\n<p>Tis the season to underscore a few other virtues during this celebration of the holidays.<\/p>\n<p><b>KINDNESS<\/b><\/p>\n<p><i>Kindness is not an inherited trait; it is a learned behavior<\/i><i>. &#8211;\u00a0<\/i>Katie Couric<\/p>\n<p>An article in <i>Scientific American<\/i> (February 26, 2009) titled \u201cForget Survival of the Fittest: It Is Kindness That Counts,\u201d features an interview with Dacher Keltner author of <i>Born to be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><\/i>Keltner noted that humans have remarkable tendencies toward kindness, play, generosity, reverence, and self-sacrifice.<\/p>\n<p>The interviewer asked Keltner about \u201ctake-aways\u201c from his study.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>His science-based conclusion was that emotions are \u201cthe core of our capacities for virtue like cooperation, love and tenderness,\u201d and that \u201cemotions that bring out the good in others and in one\u2019s self can readily be cultivated\u201d [taught and learned, observed and practiced, modeled and mentored].<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>In the link below, two elementary school teachers (Pinger and Flook) discuss the HOW question by sharing their lessons from a \u201ckindness curriculum\u201d for young students (K-3).<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/greatergood.berkeley.edu\/article\/item\/what_if_schools_taught_kindness\">http:\/\/greatergood.berkeley.edu\/article\/item\/what_if_schools_taught_kindness<\/a><\/p>\n<p>The research suggests that \u201cacts of kindness\u201d may help increase and strengthen student relationships, social engagement, and broaden their social networks.<\/p>\n<p><b>RESPECT<\/b><\/p>\n<p><i>A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always\u00a0<\/i><i>be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><i>might that which he desires<\/i>. &#8211;\u00a0Paulo Coelho<\/p>\n<p>Generally speaking, there are two kinds of respect people reveal through their behaviors &#8211; respect for oneself and respect for others.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Both are learned behaviors as are all character virtues\/traits.<\/p>\n<p>Steve and Lisa McChesney publish and produce a daily self-esteem and self-confidence building newsletter for both children and adults.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Lisa is a public school teacher and Steve manages three karate schools. Visit them at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bullyfreekids.com\">http:\/\/www.bullyfreekids.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>They say that \u201c<i>schools teach children about respect, but parents have the most influence on how respectful children become.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Until children show respect at home, it&#8217;s unlikely they will show it anywhere else.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n<p><i>\u201cHow can you [<\/i><b><i>parents and teachers<\/i><\/b><i>] show respect to your child?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><i>Be honest.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>If you do something wrong, admit it and apologize.<\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Be positive.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Don&#8217;t embarrass, insult or make fun of your child.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Be trusting.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Let your child make choices and take responsibility.<\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Be fair.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Listen to your child&#8217;s side of the story before reaching a conclusion. <span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Be polite.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Use \u2018please\u2019 and \u2018thank you\u2019.<\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Be reliable.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Keep promises.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Show your child that you mean what you say.<\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Be a good listener.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Give your child your full attention.\u201d<\/i><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><b>FORGIVENESS (APOLOGY)<\/b><\/p>\n<p><i>It&#8217;s not an easy journey to get to a place where you forgive people.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><i>But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you<\/i>. &#8211; Tyler Perry<\/p>\n<p><i>In this life, when you deny someone an apology,<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><i>you will remember it at the time you beg forgiveness<\/i>. &#8211; Toba Beta<\/p>\n<p>In an article titled, <i>Leadership, Equity, and Pandemic<\/i>, Joseph Davis (Ferguson-Florissant School District) noted that <i>\u201cmany people and communities carry hurt and anger because of racism and injustice, thus learning to feel empathy and build connection between people is key.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>We need to teach forgiveness\u2026.\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Forgiveness can\u2019t be forgotten, because so many of us have been wronged in so many different ways, and we carry that toxicity with us.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>We need to learn to forgive people so we can move on, and that allows you to engage and to grow in ways you couldn\u2019t before.\u201d <span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p>Davis also noted that those in \u201cpositions of power\u201d should respond to the call for \u201caction\u201d and be ready to set an example in this work.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><i>\u201cIt may not be your fault, but it is your fight,\u201d<\/i> he said.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.gse.harvard.edu\/education-now\">https:\/\/www.gse.harvard.edu\/education-now<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Author Marlee McKe<i>e<\/i> writes: \u201c<i>How to apologize can be the key to getting true forgiveness and moving a relationship forward in a positive way.\u201d<\/i><span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>She offers these seven tips for apologizing sincerely and successfully:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><i>Ask for permission to apologize.<\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Let them know that you realize that you hurt them.<\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Tell them how you plan to right the situation.<\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Let them know that inherent in your apology is a promise that you won\u2019t do what you did again.<\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>After you\u2019ve talked through things, formally ask them for forgiveness.<\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Consider following up with a handwritten note.<\/i><i><span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Now it\u2019s time for both people to go forth and live out their promises.<\/i><span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.etiquetteschoolofamerica.com\/how-to-apologize-the-7-steps-of-a-sincere-apology\/\">https:\/\/www.mannersmentor.com\/gracious-living\/how-to-apologize-the-7-steps-of-a-sincere- apology<\/a><\/p>\n<p><b>INTEGRITY<\/b><\/p>\n<p><i>\u201cReal integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody\u2019s going<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/i><i>to know whether you did it or not.\u201d &#8211;\u00a0<\/i>Oprah Winfrey<\/p>\n<p>One of the \u201cbetter angels\u201d we need watching over us are people who consistently demonstrate that they are <b>trustworthy, honest, and kind.<\/b><span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Integrity is one of the cornerstones of character.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Thus, like other character strengths\/trait, we need to work on it, test it, define it, teach it, model it, and practice it.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<i>What then, are the \u201ctraits\u201d of integrity?<\/i><span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><i>Here are the main behaviors that reveal if someone has the kind of integrity you want in your colleagues, friends, family, students, coworkers, and leaders.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><i>Taking responsibility for their actions <span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Putting others\u2019 needs above their own. <span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Offering to help others in need.<\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Giving others the benefit of the doubt.<\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Choosing honesty in all things.<\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Showing respect to everyone.<\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Manifesting humility.<\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Being able to admit they\u2019re wrong.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Showing regular reliability.<\/i><\/li>\n<li><i>Conveying true kindness<\/i>.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.powerofpositivity.com\/integrity-traits\/\">https:\/\/www.powerofpositivity.com\/integrity-traits\/<\/a><\/p>\n<p>A writer put it this way:<i><span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThe good news about integrity is that we&#8217;re not born with it\u2014or without it\u2014which means that it&#8217;s a behavior-based virtue we can cultivate over time.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>We can set a goal to show more integrity in everyday life and we can reach that goal by practicing the behaviors above, as well as countless others which too often go unnoticed.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"mailto:deroche@sandiego.edu\">Ed DeRoche<\/a><i>,<\/i><i> <\/i>Director, Character Education Resource Center, Department of Learning &amp; Teaching, School of Leadership &amp; Education Sciences, University of San Diego, BLOG, DECEMBER 2020<\/p>\n<p>We&#8217;d like to hear your <b>thoughts, questions and feedback<\/b>:<b><span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><\/b>character@sandiego.edu<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.sandiego.edu\/soles\/character-education-resource-center\/\">https:\/\/www.sandiego.edu\/soles\/character-education-resource-center\/<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Help us if you can:<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><a href=\"mailto:annualgiving@sandiego.edu\">annualgiving@sandiego.edu<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Some things you must never stop refusing to bear.\u00a0Injustice and courage and dishonor and shame.\u00a0No matter how young you are or how old you have got. &#8211; William Faulkner, Intruder&#8230;<span class=\"readmore\"><a href=\"https:\/\/sites.sandiego.edu\/character\/blog\/2020\/12\/17\/the-better-angels-of-our-nature\/\">Read More >><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":680,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-638","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>The &quot;Better Angels of Our Nature&quot; - Character 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