{"id":620,"date":"2020-10-26T10:42:07","date_gmt":"2020-10-26T18:42:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sites.sandiego.edu\/character\/?p=620"},"modified":"2020-10-26T10:45:20","modified_gmt":"2020-10-26T18:45:20","slug":"there-is-no-debating-civility","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites.sandiego.edu\/character\/blog\/2020\/10\/26\/there-is-no-debating-civility\/","title":{"rendered":"There Is No Debating Civility"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019m at Starbuck\u2019s.\u00a0 <\/span>Mask on.\u00a0 <\/span>In line, six feet from the person in front and in back of me.\u00a0 <\/span>All wearing masks.\u00a0 <\/span>A young man enters\u2014not wearing a mask.\u00a0 <\/span>The lady in back of me requests that he put on a mask.\u00a0 <\/span>His response, \u201cF*** you lady\u201d and takes off.<\/p>\n

About a week later, I read that a rabbi was attacked at a synagogue about a mile from where I live.\u00a0 <\/span>A 14-year-old boy jumped <\/b>off his bike, punched the rabbi \u201cspewing\u201d racial slurs and yelling \u201cwhite power.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>He was arrested on battery and hate crime charges.<\/p>\n

Some say \u201dcivility\u201d is on the decline because of technology, the Internet, television, Instagram, Facebook, etc.<\/p>\n

Some say most of our citizens believe that \u201ccivility\u201d has declined for a variety of reasons including ideological differences, individual and group conflicts, and our political difference and divisions.<\/p>\n

Some say just look at the rate of bullying, rudeness, lying, ridicule, vulgarity, and physical violence one witnesses in this country.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Some say that in local schools, communities, neighborhoods, and households, for the most part, people are civil to one another.<\/p>\n

What Say You?<\/b><\/p>\n

The purpose of this blog is to discuss two questions:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. What do we mean by \u201ccivility?\u201d\u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. How do we teach it to <\/b>our children and youth?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Civility<\/b> is imbedded in these and other character strengths:\u00a0 <\/span>
    \nself-regulation, social responsibility, citizenship, empathy and kindness, respect and responsibility, humility and modesty, love, social-emotional intelligence, and putting the \u201ccommon good\u201d over self-interests. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    You are well aware that these are learned behaviors. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    The Pew Research Center reported that of the ten skills Americans say kids need to succeed in life, communication skills were selected by most of the respondents.\u00a0 <\/span>In another report about 21st<\/sup> century skills, respondents noted that there is a need to teach children and youth two very important skills: communication and collaboration. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    Neither report says it, but I bet they mean, civil communication.<\/b><\/p>\n

    So, let\u2019s see what the experts say about how to teach civility.\u00a0 <\/span><\/b>Here are about 25 plus ways to teach your students the skills necessary to be civil<\/b> human beings.<\/p>\n

    Melissa Benaroya writes:\u00a0<\/span>
    \n<\/b><\/p>\n

    \u201cCivility<\/i><\/b> goes beyond being polite and courteous; it involves listening to others with an open mind, disagreeing respectfully and seeking common ground to start a conversation about differences.\u00a0 <\/span>Acting with civility requires children to be respectful, reflective and self-aware.\u00a0 <\/span>Learning the skills of perspective taking, empathy and problem-solving helps children understand that their actions and words affect individuals as well as their entire community, encouraging them to rise up and act with civility in tough situations\u2026.By teaching skills like empathy, problem- solving and perspective taking, we can help nurture civility in our children.\u201d \u00a0<\/i>(How to Teach Civility During Divisive Times, Committee for Children, <\/i>February 2017)<\/p>\n

    Matthew Lunch suggests seven ways to teach civility:<\/b><\/p>\n

    1) manners matter,\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    2) show tolerance,\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    3) give examples,\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    4) listen well,\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    5) apologize regularly,<\/p>\n

    6) encourage empathy, and,\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    7) practice what you preach. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    (7 Ways To Teach Children Civility, The EDVOCATE, 2-23-18)<\/p>\n

    Marilyn Price-Mitchell, PhD<\/a>, <\/b>suggests 15 Ways to Foster Respectful Behavior.<\/b>\u00a0 <\/span>She writes:\u00a0 <\/span>\u201c<\/b>We can teach kids the foundations of civility every day in the way we communicate with them and others, including the following:\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n