{"id":445,"date":"2019-05-03T11:02:58","date_gmt":"2019-05-03T19:02:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sites.sandiego.edu\/character\/?p=445"},"modified":"2019-05-03T11:06:06","modified_gmt":"2019-05-03T19:06:06","slug":"apology-forgiveness-gratitude-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites.sandiego.edu\/character\/blog\/2019\/05\/03\/apology-forgiveness-gratitude-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Apology, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Love"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last month I read a novel titled, The Hummingbird, by Stephen P Kiernan, (Harper Collins Publishers, 2015).\u00a0 <\/span>In the book one of the characters asked another \u201cwhat would be your answer to each of these four questions?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

Is there anyone you need to say \u2018I\u2019m sorry\u2019 to?\"\"<\/a><\/i><\/p>\n

Is there anyone you need to say \u2018I forgive you\u2019 to?<\/i><\/p>\n

Is there anyone you need to say \u2018thank you\u2019 to?<\/i><\/p>\n

Is there anyone you need to say \u2018I love you\u2019 to?<\/i><\/p>\n

I bookmarked the page saying to myself, \u201cHere is your May Blog \u2013 apology, forgiveness, gratitude (thanks), and love.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

I was struck by the power of the four questions and what they say about \u201creflection\u201d \u2013 something I do not think we do often in our classrooms.\u00a0 <\/span>As you know, \u201dreflection\u201d is a component in learning, a source of both knowledge and beliefs, and an aspect of critical thinking\u2014looking back on the implications of one\u2019s actions.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I asked a few teachers what they thought about the idea of having students answer these questions about once a month during class-meeting time. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI like it!\u00a0 <\/span>What a good way to teach students to reflect on the substance of the questions.\u00a0 <\/span>I would have them write down their answers and discuss them in class, but only those students who want to do so publicly.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

Another teacher suggested that she would have her students add their own reflective question(s) to the list.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I have written about gratitude (thanks) and love in two previous blogs\u2014November 2018 and February 2019.\u00a0 <\/span>Before we revisit those two virtues, some commentary about \u201capology and forgiveness.\u201d<\/p>\n

Apology<\/b><\/p>\n

The question\u2014how does one \u201capologize?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow to apologize can be the key to getting true forgiveness and moving a relationship forward in a positive way,\u201d <\/i>writes Marlee McKee<\/i>.\u00a0 <\/span>McKee offers seven tips for apologizing sincerely and successfully: \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Ask for permission to apologize. \u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n
  2. Let them know that you realize you hurt them. \u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n
  3. Tell them how you plan to right the situation. \u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n
  4. Let them know that inherent in your apology is a promise that you
    \nwon\u2019t do what you did again.<\/i><\/li>\n
  5. After you\u2019ve talked through things, formally ask them for forgiveness. \u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n
  6. Consider following up with a handwritten note. \u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n
  7. Now it\u2019s time for both people to go forth and live out their promises.<\/i><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    https:\/\/www.mannersmentor.com\/gracious-living\/how-to-apologize-the-7-steps-of-a-sincere-apology<\/a><\/p>\n

    Forgiveness<\/b><\/p>\n

    Teaching children \u201cforgiveness\u201d as you may have guessed, is a parent and teacher responsibility.\u00a0 <\/span>Enright and Fitzgibbons write that \u201cForgiveness is a virtue hard to exercise and challenging to implement in the face of injustice, but one that offers a concrete hope for peace.\u201d<\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    They recommend \u201cfamily forgiveness gatherings\u201d<\/i> at least once a week, such as during mealtimes, to talk about \u201cwhat forgiveness means, how it feels, and what is easy and hard about.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/i> Here is a strategy that would work in the classroom as well.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    Robert Enright, Forgiveness is a Choice (Washington: APA, 2001); Robert Enright and
    \nRichard Fitzgibbons, Helping Clients Forgive (Washington: APA, 2000); cf. International Forgiveness Institute, web-site:     www.forgiveness-institute.org<\/a><\/p>\n

    Jamie Perillo, LPC, a child and family psychotherapist and parent educator, offers seven ideas to help parents and teachers get started on teaching children forgiveness.\u00a0 <\/span>He notes that to forgive is to say, \u201cI do not like your words or actions, but I am willing to let it go because it does not help me to hold onto these feelings.\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 <\/span>He suggests that we look beyond the action and explore the person\u2014helping her\/him to answer the question: \u201cwhat triggered the behavior?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

    Perillo also suggests that the child (student) should be encouraged to \u201cidentify the feeling\u201d <\/i>he\/she is experiencing (anger, embarrassment, disappointment) and then \u201cstate the feeling before offering forgiveness.\u201d<\/i> \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    We need to teach our children at home and in school that there are usually two or more sides to an issue or problem.\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWe need to teach our kids to be able to see things from the other side. Forgiving is much easier when we know the whole story and not just half of it.\u00a0 <\/span>Ask your kids how they would want someone to respond when they did something wrong.\u00a0 <\/span>They would want to be forgiven.\u00a0 <\/span>Then tell them to do likewise.\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    https:\/\/psychcentral.com\/blog\/how-to-teach-a-child-forgiveness\/<\/a><\/p>\n

    Gratitude (Thanks)<\/b><\/p>\n

    In the November blog, I wrote that Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D.<\/b>, the world\u2019s leading scientific expert on gratitude, said:\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou literally cannot overplay the hand of gratitude; the grateful mind reaps massive benefits in every domain of life that has been examined so far.\u00a0 <\/span>There are countless ways in which gratitude could pay off in the workplace\u201d <\/i>(and in homes and schools).<\/p>\n

    I wrote that studies have shown that people who experience gratitude and thanks have more positive emotions (joy, love, happiness) and exhibit fewer negative emotions (bitterness, envy, resentment.)\u00a0 <\/span>The \u201cgratitude experience\u201d also contributes to feelings of connectedness, relationships, and better physical health.<\/p>\n

    Love<\/b><\/p>\n

    In the \u201cWhat\u2019s LOVE got to do with it?\u201d blog, I noted that, Barbara Fredrickson, psychologist and author of the book Positivity, discusses \u201cthe science of happiness\u201d and ten positive emotions including love. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    \u201cLove,\u201d<\/i> she writes, \u201ccomes into play in a <\/i>close<\/i><\/a> and safe relationship.\u00a0 <\/span>Love is the most common feeling of positivity and comes in surges.\u00a0 <\/span>Love<\/i> <\/i>fosters warmth and trust with the people who mean the most to us.\u00a0 <\/span>Love makes us want to do and be better people.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

    This might be a good time for you to reflect on each of the four questions and plan your next steps.\u00a0 <\/span>Take 10 minutes and ask yourself \u201cis there anyone I need to say I\u2019m sorry, I forgive you, I thank you, I love you <\/i>to?\u201d<\/p>\n

    Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center, SOLES
    \n<\/span>May, 2019<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Last month I read a novel titled, The Hummingbird, by Stephen P Kiernan, (Harper Collins Publishers, 2015).\u00a0 In the book one of the characters asked another \u201cwhat would be your…Read More >><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":680,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2882],"tags":[55904,41796,41798,55905,55906,73390,213,422],"class_list":["post-445","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog-post","tag-apology","tag-character-education-resource-center","tag-ed-deroche","tag-forgiveness","tag-gratitude","tag-love","tag-school-of-leadership-and-education-sciences","tag-university-of-san-diego"],"yoast_head":"\nApology, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Love - Character Education Resource Center<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/sites.sandiego.edu\/character\/blog\/2019\/05\/03\/apology-forgiveness-gratitude-love\/\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" class=\"yoast-seo-meta-tag\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Apology, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Love - 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