{"id":351,"date":"2018-09-17T12:02:51","date_gmt":"2018-09-17T20:02:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sites.sandiego.edu\/character\/?p=351"},"modified":"2018-09-17T12:06:14","modified_gmt":"2018-09-17T20:06:14","slug":"my-first-parent-teacher-conference","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites.sandiego.edu\/character\/blog\/2018\/09\/17\/my-first-parent-teacher-conference\/","title":{"rendered":"My First Parent-Teacher Conference"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>September Blog 2018
\nBy Ed DeRoche<\/span><\/p>\n

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When I was a kid, my father and mother took me to my first parent-teacher conference. I told them that students did not attend these meetings. \u201cYou\u2019re going.\u201d I don\u2019t know why my parents wanted me there because I did not plan to participate in their conversation. But I knew it was a big deal when they dressed up as if they were going to church.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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As we waited in the hall to see my teacher, I noticed that other parents were giving me that \u201cWhat is he doing here?\u201d look. I knew then that all the other fifth-graders would hear about this tomorrow and that I\u2019d be heckled all day long.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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The classroom door opened and there stood Ms. James (a first year teacher leading her first parent-conference). She was smiling. I gasped! This was the first time I had seen Ms. James really smile. My friend, Andy, told me that teachers were ordered not to smile until winter break.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Ms. James seemed as nervous as my parents. There they were\u2014three grown-ups, six pairs of eyes looking at me\u2014as I was told to sit in the chair next to Ms. James\u2019 desk, facing my parents. Their looks suggested (maybe demanded) that I pay \u201cattention.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Ms. James kept smiling as if something very funny was going to happen. I failed to see the humor in having to attend this meeting, but Ms. James seemed to be conveying the message that I was going to benefit from it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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When we were settled in and ready to talk, I noticed that Ms. James glanced at a card on her desk that had printed in big bold letters: Smile and be pleasant.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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She handed my parents my report card, smiling. My Father began to breathe heavily and I noticed beads of perspiration on his forehead. My Mother clutched her pocketbook and kept saying, \u201cNot my son! Not my son!\u201d Being as astute as one could be at that age, I immediately sensed that something was wrong. Ms. James turned to me and gave me a \u201cnot to worry look.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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The report card went back to Ms. James who said, \u201cEdward could do much better if he tried.\u201d My Father retorted, \u201cWe have heard that story for the last four years.\u201d My\u00a0Mother asked, \u201cWhy doesn\u2019t he do well in school?\u201d This question and the possibility that my Mother might cry seemed to fluster Ms. James. I caught her glancing at another card on her desk: <\/span>Stress pupil\u2019s strengths<\/strong>.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cYou must understand,\u201d she said hurriedly, \u201cEdward has a few strong areas on which we can build.\u201d My Father countered, \u201cObviously school work is not one of them.\u201d Ignoring my Father\u2019s remark, Ms. James noted that I got a good grade in physical education, that all I talked about was sports, but needed to do better in the academic subjects.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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My Father agreed and asked Ms. James, \u201dHow do you explain the fact that he is not doing well?\u201d Ms. James didn’t answer the question right away realizing, I think, that there were few strengths to talk about. She immediately checked another card on her desk: Be frank about weaknesses.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I looked at the classroom clock to see how much time we had left. This topic could easily take up most of the conference. I heard Ms. James say that such failures were usually the result of heredity and\/or environment, sometimes both. I\u2019m not sure what she meant but my Mother quickly responded that our family tree was loaded with teachers.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Ms. James told my parents that I appeared to be a slow reader, inattentive, a procrastinator (I looked it up when I got home) with limited interests except, of course, in sports. At this point Ms. James noticed that my parents appeared speechless. I don\u2019t know why. Ms. James hit a \u201chome-run\u201d with her description\u2014 that was ME! She decided to move on and quickly checked the next card on her desk: Discuss student\u2019s social adjustment<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cLet\u2019s look at the citizenship side of Edward\u2019s report card,\u201d she said. \u201cAs you can see Edward appears to be an introvert and his social skills need work.\u201d Another \u201chome- run\u201d for Ms. James! She added, \u201cAs you can also see, most of the checkmarks are in the \u2018Needs Improvement\u2019 column.\u201d She went on to explain to my parents (and I guess to me as well) that we must get along with everyone, that we do things in groups, that this is our class where everyone is expected to cooperate and help one another.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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My Father: \u201cHow can Edward learn school subjects if he has to spend time trying to be cooperative?\u201d Ms. James sensed that he didn\u2019t expect an answer and checked the last card on her desk: End conference on a positive note.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Ms. James: \u201cEdward has the potential. I hope all of us can work on that.\u201d There was a long pause. I\u2019m not sure that my parents agreed with her. I don\u2019t think they understood how she came to that conclusion given the information on my report card.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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But they had not seen Ms. James in the classroom. She may not smile, but my classmates and I would \u201cswear\u201d to her enthusiasm, her persistence, and her\u00a0determination in not letting one of us \u201coff the hook.\u201d These days, I think they call it \u201cresponsibility.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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The conference ended. As we left the classroom, Ms. James gave me a \u201cthumbs-up\u201d and told my parents that she would keep them informed about my \u201cprogress.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Walking back to our car, I started to worry about my immediate future. Evidently, my mother was worrying about the same thing, saying, \u201cEdward, I just do not know what on earth you\u2019ll turn out to be.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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When we got into the car I asked my Dad to turn on the Red Sox-Yankee game. All I heard were two big sighs. I wondered why.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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EDWARD is the Director of the Character Education Resource Center<\/a>, Department of Learning & Teaching, SOLES, University of San Diego.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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