{"id":324,"date":"2018-06-12T11:19:50","date_gmt":"2018-06-12T19:19:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sites.sandiego.edu\/character\/?p=324"},"modified":"2018-06-12T11:33:23","modified_gmt":"2018-06-12T19:33:23","slug":"june-blog-the-kindness-book","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites.sandiego.edu\/character\/blog\/2018\/06\/12\/june-blog-the-kindness-book\/","title":{"rendered":"June Blog: The “Kindness” Book"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\nThe “Kindness” Book<\/span><\/strong><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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By Ed DeRoche<\/p>\n

\u201cKindness\u201d is one of the topics to be presented at the Character Matters Conference at the end of this month.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Last month, I received a copy of Thomas Lickona\u2019s new book, How to Raise Kind Kids: And Get Respect, Gratitude, and a Happier Family in the Bargain (Penguin, 2018).<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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\"\"<\/a>I\u2019ve read it\u2014twice. The book advises parents, teachers, and caregivers on everything they need to know about \u201ckindness,\u201d and about ten essential virtues that function as a \u201csupporting cast\u201d for kindness \u2013 wisdom, justice, fortitude, self-control, love, positive attitude, hard work, integrity, gratitude, and humility.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Lickona notes that his long career has focused on character education and teacher training. A long-time proponent of character education, one of his earliest books, Character Matters\u2013Educating for Character: How Our Schools Can Teach Respect and Responsibility (Bantam, 1991), was a major resource when Professor Mary Williams and I started writing and speaking about the topic, and when creating the Center here at USD.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I want to focus this blog on what I see as the framework that Lickona uses to develop the \u201cimportant principles and practices\u201d that can guide parents, teachers, and caregivers in helping children and youth on the road to good character; that is, character, character education, and character coaches.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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He suggests that there are two types of character\u2014moral character and performance character. Moral character \u201cinspires us to be good and performance character enable us to do good well.\u201d He reminds us that the good side of one\u2019s character consists of our virtues, our good habits, and that the bad side of character involves our bad habits. He notes that \u201cin a very real sense, we become our habits. Our responsibility as parents and teachers is to help kids develop good habits…Character, good or bad, is composed of learned habits and behavior<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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The way I see it is that:
\n\u2022 The word CHARACTER has two Cs in it; one stands for CHOICES\u00a0and the other for CONSEQUENCES.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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\u2022 Living a life of good character doesn\u2019t happen by CHANCE, nor\u00a0does it happen by CIRCUMSTANCES. It happens by CHOICE.\u2022 CHOICE is influenced, most times by CIRCUMSTANCES and\u00a0<\/span>CULTURE.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Given today’s situations, we should underline Lickona\u2019s observation that:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cHuman behavior has always been influenced by the interaction of character and culture. Think of character as what\u2019s on the inside\u2014the capacities and dispositions that influence how we act and react. Culture is what’s on the outside\u2014all of the factors in our environment…and then in any given situation, the outside influences bring out either the best or the worst of our character.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cWe know,\u201d he says, \u201cthat good character involves knowing what\u2019s right, and doing what\u2019s right\u2014and that doing is the hardest part. We become good by doing good.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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In regards to character education, Lickona writes schools that have effective character education initiatives ensure that students have voice (an opportunity to shape the culture of their school) and are engaged in \u201chigh quality\u201d cooperative learning. Character education \u201ctrains the heart as well as the mind.\u201d It helps children \u201cnot just to know that something is wrong, but to feel that it is wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

From the perspective of character education, Lickona writes, every moment of the school day is a \u201ccharacter moment.\u201d \u201cTo a large degree, our children create their character by the choices they make every day.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Not in the book, but something that educators and the parents should know: Researchers at UC-Berkeley surveyed 400 students ages 12-14 in which they found that students \u201cwho were more likely to be grateful to others [I am adding “kindness” here] showed higher academic interest, grades, and extracurricular involvement, and had lower interest in risky behaviors.\u201d Positive parent relationships was also associated with gratitude (and probably with many habits of the heart including \u201ckindness\u201d).<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Lickona urges parents, teachers, and caregivers to become what he calls character coaches.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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\u2022 Being a character coach means \u201cteaching children character skills like self-control and kindness in very deliberate ways and then helping kids practice them again and again….\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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\u2022 Becoming a character coach \u201cmeans giving your child\/children opportunities for moral action in family life (and I would say in schools as well) and…the toughest part…is doing so in the heat of the moment….<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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\u2022 Character coaches know that the \u201cfamily is a child\u2019s first school of virtue and that the qualities that make up good character…grow in a family culture.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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\u2022 \u201cCharacter coaches do all they can to help children and to stay on the road to good character.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Research, Lickona tells us, finds that children’s character development is best supported by \u201ca stable and loving family environment where they teach respect for legitimate authority, where children are held accountable for their actions and behaviors [and] where children have meaningful responsibilities in family life.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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The book is filled with advice, examples, stories, research, and resources for home (parents\/caregivers) and school (teachers\/administrators). Here are a few \u2013 by the numbers:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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