Author Archives: CJ Moloney

Twelve Days of Teaching Character and Civility

Seminar: I had just completed my 40-minute talk urging teachers and other school personnel to focus on the character development of students in their classrooms and schools: “What is it?”  “Why do we need it?”  “Where do we find the time to do it?”  “How do we do it?”  “How do we know if it’s working or not?”   

After the presentation, I opened it up for questions.  A middle-grade teacher asked: “For now, I just want to know how to I teach my kids to be civil to one another in and out of my classroom?”

On the FIRST day of classes my mentor said to me:  

“You asked me how do you teach students to be civil to one another?”  

Character is about relationships – emotional and social.  It is about teaching your students skills such as sharing, participating, following directions, and listening.  It is about helping them to recognize their own emotions (self-control), how to recognize the emotions in others (listening and questioning), and how to motivate oneself (grit and perseverance).  It is about learning how to be a friend, how to care for others, how to appreciate others, how to be polite, respectful, courteous, civil, and how to resolve conflicts peacefully.

On the SECOND day of classes my mentor said to me:

“I want you to think about the implications of this survey and read this article.  Notice we are talking about skill development that students can and must learn in your classroom (and elsewhere).”

A survey of 8,000 teachers done at Vanderbilt University identified these top 10 skills that students need to succeed: “Listen to othersfollow the stepsfollow the rulesignore distractionsask for helptake turns when you talkget along with othersstay calm with othersbe responsible for your behaviorand do nice things for others.” 

Read:  7 Ways To Teach Children Civility, Matthew Lunch, The EDVOCATE, 2-23-18.  He says that “our children desperately need someone to teach them civility and show why it is important.”  His seven ways include: 1) manners matter, 2) show tolerance, 3) give examples, 4) listen well, 5) apologize regularly, 6) encourage empathy, and, 7) practice what you preach.

On the THIRD day of classes my mentor said to me: 

“We should discuss the curricular and teaching implications of these two studies.  The Pew Research Center lays the foundation for your question about how to teach students to be civil.” 

They report that of the ten skills Americans say kids need to succeed in life, communication skills, was selected by most of the respondents.  In another report about 21st century skills, respondents noted that there is a need to teach children and youth two very important skills: communication and collaboration.  In one sense, these make up a skills curriculum that you and others should be implementing to teach students oral, written, and nonverbal communication skills, including the emotional and social skills that we talked about. 

On the FOURTH day of classes my mentor said to me:

“I do not know where I read this—it was in my notes without a reference.  The author suggests ways ‘to help students learn to engage in productive, civil discourse in the classroom.’  You might try this with students in your classroom.”

First, begin with yourself—be the model in your classroom.

Second, monitor your classroom climate.

Third, state your dialogue expectations/boundaries clearly from the start.  The author notes that the basic rule of civil discourse is to be respectful and don’t make it personal.

Fourth, start small and build as skills develop.

Fifth, have students watch civil debates and begin classroom debates using non-threatening topics. 

Sixth, have your students use a “private journaling” strategy in which you provide a debatable statement and have them decide whether or not they strongly agree/agree/disagree/strongly disagree and write out the “why” to their selection.

On the FIFTH day of classes my mentor asked me to try this activity::  

“When you get a chance, try out this quotation activity with your students.  I hope that after this lesson your students will be able to compare and contrast quotations, find information about the author of each quote, determine the meaning and implications of each quote, write and draw how the quote may apply to what they do and say, and, discuss the meaning of the quotes with classmates, friends, family.”

  1. “Civility includes courtesy, politeness, mutual respect, fairness, good manners, as well as a matter of good health.” —P.M. Forni
  2. “I think civility is important to getting things done.” Amy Klobuchar 
  3. “You can disagree without being disagreeable. “—Ruth Bader Ginsburg
  4. “Civility costs nothing, and buys everything.” —Mary Wortley Montagu
  5. “Civility is the art and act of caring for others.” —Deborah King

On the Sixth day of classes my mentor said to me:

“It’s the holiday season.  Take a break.  Go see the movie A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.  Next, watch a couple of episodes of the TV program Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.”

Have your students see the movie and a few of the TV programs.  Develop a teaching unit and other activities in your classroom that build on a relationship of care (one of FR’s themes).  For example, have your students create posters of what Mr. Rogers says to them –followed, of course, by classroom discussion. 

“You are lovable.  I like you just the way you are. There is only one person like you in the world. You are my friend; you are special.”

On the SEVENTH day of classes my mentor said to me:

“I am a proponent of teaching students the why and how of asking questions. Teaching your students the skills of question-asking helps them clarify what others are saying or doing in a situation.  I suggest you access The Right Question Institute and examine their Question Formula Technique, a strategy to teach your students how to formulate their own questions.”  (

On the EIGHTH day of classes my mentor said to me:

“I suggest that you consider being the ‘character education leader’ in your classroom and school.  To do that, you should know this about the character development.”

Character is taught to our youth through the media, the Internet, the environment they live in, their peers and role models, and by parents, teachers, schools, youth agencies, and religious institutions.

Character is about strengths and virtues that guide us “to act in an ethical, pro-social manner.”  It is about choices—the ones we make daily (good or bad, ethical or unethical); about relationships and social skill; and about “emotional” self-discipline. 

On the NINTH day of classes my mentor said to me:

“I want to tell you a story that I read written by 7th grade language teacher, Justin Parmenter, from Charlotte, N.C.  He created an assignment called Undercover Agents of Kindness.  He had each student draw a random classmate’s name from a bowl.  In pairs, they had two weeks to perform an unexpected act of kindness.  Then he had each pair of students write a missions report detailing what they did and how it went.  Why don’t you try a similar activity with your students?  Maybe call it Mission Civility.”

JP writes:  It was my students’ reflections on the kindness activity that revealed its impact most. Again and again, they acknowledged that it was difficult and felt awkward to approach someone they didn’t know well and do something for them. But almost every time they added that they were proud of themselves for doing it anyway and felt the power in brightening someone else’s day.”

On the TENTH day of classes my mentor said to me: 

“I found an interesting article written by Melissa Benaroya titled How to Teach Civility During Divisive Times, Committee for Children, Feb. 24, 2017.” 

She writes:  Civility goes beyond being polite and courteous; it involves listening to others with an open mind, disagreeing respectfully and seeking common ground to start a conversation about differences. Acting with civility requires children to be respectful, reflective and self-aware. Learning the skills of perspective taking, empathy and problem-solving helps children understand that their actions and words affect individuals as well as their entire community, encouraging them to rise up and act with civility in tough situations…. By teaching skills like empathy, problem- solving and perspective taking, we can help nurture civility in our children.”

One the ELEVENTH day of classes my mentor said to me:  

“Here are four resources to help you teach your students the positive behaviors of being civil and people of good character.”

  • Nine Lessons on Peer Relationships
  • Class Meetings: Creating a Safe School in Your Classroom
  • Behavior Problems in the Classroom: What to know, What to do.
  • 3 Steps to Civil Discourse in the Classroom 

On the TWELFTH day of classes my mentor said to me:

“I have three gifts for the new year for you (no, not gold, frankincense, and myrrh).  They are PEACE, HOPE, and LOVE!”

Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center, SOLES. USD

May I Ask You Some Questions?

This blog, as you will note, begins with two quotes that will frame the questions that are constantly raised when we talk about character and character education with educators and others.

“Students who can effectively manage their emotions and behavior tend to do better in their coursework and on assessments.  In fact, students who report high self-management are 75 percent less likely to face failing grades than students who report low self-management.           
Panorama Research Team 

Paul Tough, How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character (2012), suggests that what matters to children and youth is adults’ (home, school, community) abilities to “nurture the development of a very different set of qualities, a list that includes persistence, self-control, curiosity, conscientiousness, grit, and self-confidence.  Economists refer to these qualities as non-cognitive skills, psychologists call them personality traits, and the rest of us think of these traits as character.”  

What do we know about character?

There are no character genes—character is taught to the young by social media, the Internet, the environment they live in, their peers and role models, and hopefully by parents, teachers, schools, youth agencies, and religious institutions.

  • Character is about strengths and virtues that guide an individual “to act in an ethical, pro-social manner.”
  • Character is about choices—the ones we make daily (good or bad, ethical or unethical).  It is about decision-making—the circumstances, the risks, the chances, the consequences, and the rewards.
  • Character is about relationships and social skills—skills such as sharing, participating, following directions, and listening.  It is learning how to be a friend, how to care for others, how to appreciate others, how to be polite, respectful, courteous, and how to resolve conflicts peacefully.
  • Character is about “emotional” self-discipline. 

To assist administrators, teachers, and others in schools, we offer nine questions about character education that address the WHAT and HOW.

1. What is the environment/climate of the school and what should it be? 

Our answer is that at the very least it should be: Safe – Caring – Civil – Challenging – Empowering.

2. What outcomes do school personnel, parents, and students desire for students who have attended the school for three or four years?

Our answer is this question should be based on at least three categories: character, career, and citizenship.

3. What are the character traits/virtues that should permeate the curricula and co-curricula programs at the school? 

The answer to this question must be a list agreed upon by the school’s stakeholders and incorporated into the mission of the school.

4. What thinking, communication, and social skills should permeate all subjects, programs, and instruction? 

5. What special/intervention programs should be implemented to promote the character development of students, to enhance their social and emotional skills, and to foster their leadership and citizenship skills?

6. What must school personnel do to be sure that all school stakeholders are on the same page relative to the answers to the questions above?

7. What are the EXPECTATIONS for students regarding their behaviors?

8. What are the EXPECTATIONS regarding relationships at your school?

  • Students and students / students and parents / adult and students?  
  • Teachers and parents / teachers and parents and administrators? School and community?

9. How will school personnel (all stakeholders) know that their efforts to do the above have paid-off?

  • How will programs and efforts be assessed?
  • How will students’ academic, social, emotional, and character behaviors and actions be assessed and evaluated?

Then we are always asked –Do character education initiatives work?

A national survey and report ( described three essential life-long skills that must be taught to children and young adults.  

  1. “Social skills and awareness (e.g., communications skills, active listening, relationship skills, assertiveness, social awareness). 
  2. Personal improvement/Self-management and awareness (e.g., self-control, goal setting, relaxation techniques, self-awareness, emotional awareness). 
  3. Problem-solving/Decision-making.” 

The report states: “They found that schools that score higher on implementation of a variety of character education aspects also have higher state achievement scores.  Most notably, such higher scores were most consistently and strongly related to the following four aspects of character education: 

  1. Parent and teacher modeling of character and promotion of character education;.
  2. Quality opportunities for students to engage in service activities;
  3. Promoting a caring community and positive social relationships; and 
  4. Ensuring a clean and safe physical environment.”

“The aim of education is not the knowledge of facts but of values.” —Dean William R. Inge

Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center, University of San Diego 

November, 2019

The Ruler and the Umbrella

“This year, young people across the country and around the globe will spend hundreds of hours honing their academic skills.  But in most schools, they will spend exactly zero instructional hours engaged in the mastery of emotional intelligence.” – Psychologist, Angela Duckworth

Professor Duckworth authors a weekly blog titled “Emotional Intelligence 101.”  In September, she provided the reader with a “beginner’s guide to feeling.”  She mentions the “Mood Meter” developed by the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and suggests that educators try “Yale’s RULER approach to social and emotional learning, developed to help children and adults recognize, understand, label, express, and regulate their emotions.”

In a book authored by Marc Brackett and Janet Kremenitzer (National Professional Resources, Inc., the authors write that: 

The RULER Approach…supports the power of emotional literacy training.  Students trained in emotional literacy showed higher academic grades, higher grades in social development and work habits, were more likely top complete their homework, work cooperatively with others, demonstrate self-control, and pay attention to the rules of the classroom and the school. (P. xi)

The model includes: 

“Recognition of emotions

Understanding of emotions

Labeling emotions

Expression of emotions

Regulation of emotions (PRIME).”

One of the questions asked by educators is whether or not to adopt RULER if the school or district has an SEL or character development program?  The answer:

“RULER integrates seamlessly with many other school-based initiatives and its goals and methods overlap with those of other SEL and character education programs.  In general, RULER becomes the backdrop with a common language and a positive and safe climate in which to teach other academic and SEL topics.”

A 12-page brochure about RULER can be found at

Since we are talking about “rules,” it is interesting to note Robert Marzano’s list of The Golden Rules of Character:  

    • RESPECT:  Respect others just as you want them to respect you.
    • RESPONSIBILITY:  Take responsibility for yourself just as you want others to take responsibility.
    • COMMUNICATION:  Listen to understand—speak to be understood.
    • EMOTION:  Think before you act—act for the good of yourself and others.
    • APPLICATION:  Act on these GR in and out of your classroom and school.

Those of you who have read our postings over the years know that we believe that an “umbrella metaphor” captures the paradigm posed by Davidson, Lickona, and Khmelkov (Education Week, November 14, 2007) that “students need performance character to do their best academic work; (and)…moral character to build the relationships that make for a positive learning environment.  Performance character: qualities such as effort, diligence, perseverance, strong work ethic, positive attitude, ingenuity, and self-discipline.  Moral character: qualities such as integrity, justice, caring, and respect—these are needed for successful interpersonal relationships and ethical behavior.”

Umbrellas have a handle and eight panels.  In our metaphor, the “handle” represents the core virtues of Caring, Courage, Responsibility, Respect, Empathy, etc.  

The “eight panels” of the umbrella represent Academic Achievement—Curriculum—Classroom Climate—Co-curricula Programs—Instruction—Partnerships—School Culture—Special Programs.

A sample of the “special programs” under a school district’s character education umbrella includes:  

    • anger management
    • conflict resolution
    • social-emotional learning
    • emotional intelligence
    • drug and alcohol use/abuse
    • violence prevention
    • peace education
    • anti-bullying programs
    • social skill development
    • virtues and ethics education
    • RULER
    • Project Wisdom
    • Fostering Purpose Project
    • project-based and service learning
    • VIA Institute on Character ( 
    • citizenship (see December 2018 blog –Civics Education)
    • assemblies, celebrations, award events

These special programs, either individually or in combination, have three goals: 

1) the character development of students, 2) the creation of a positive, safe, and nurturing school culture, and 3) the active involvement of educators, parents and the community.

Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center, SOLES, October, 2019

It’s Time for C-P-R

By Ed DeRoche, Ph.D.

Welcome back to a new school year! 

Last month, I read David Brooks’ new book, The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life—a book about relationships and commitment. 

Brooks says he wrote the book to “compensate for the limitations” of his first book on character, The Road to Character.  That book, he notes, was written while he was “still enclosed in the prison of individualism”—the “resume virtues” of career, successes, accomplishments, rewards, fame, and self-interests, or the “first mountain.”  

Thus, the idea for this blog on Commitment, Purpose, and Relationships.  I hope you take classroom time early in this new school year to encourage your students to think about, talk about, and practice C-P-R at home, in school, and in your classroom.  

COMMITMENTS are the school for moral formation. The “disposition to do well is what having good character is all about.”   (Brooks) 

The word, commitment, has several synonyms.  I picked three— intentionality, responsibility, and promise.  One question for classroom discussion might be, “What promises should you make to your students and they make to you and their classmates? 

Our job as educators (and parents) is to help students understand the importance of making and keeping commitments (responsibility/promises).  This understanding will have a positive influence on their academic performance as well as their personal and social behaviors. 

Psychologist Angela L. Duckworth’s wrote that she “recently surveyed thousands of adolescents about their positive and negative emotions, then asked their teachers to rate them on the same scales.  The correlation between how students were really feeling and what their teachers perceived was surprisingly weak and, in some schools, close to zero.  In other words, it’s hard to know how someone feels unless you ask…and listen.”  

This school year make a commitment to listen, to question, to be “tuned in” to your students’ emotions and behaviors.  

PURPOSE:  Our commitments give us a sense of purpose.” (Brooks) 

The question for you, me, and other adults is:  How do we help students develop a sense of purpose about what they do in school, in our classrooms, and elsewhere?  

Our job as educators (and parents) is to help children and youth learn to take responsibility for their actions, to be willing to accept the negative consequences of their actions and behaviors, and to do something about thembe responsible.  

William Damon, Director of the Stanford Center on Adolescence says a sense of purpose is “the long-term, number one motivator in life.”  He writes:  

“Schools must address the ‘why’ question with students about all that they do.  Why do people study math and science?  Why is it important to read and write?  To spell words correctly?  Why have I (the teacher) chosen teaching as my occupation?  Addressing this question in front of students, which unaccountably teachers rarely do, not only helps students better understand the purpose of schooling but also exposes them to a respected adult’s own quest for purpose.  Why do we have rules against cheating?  This is a good opportunity to convey moral standards such as honesty, fairness, and integrity and is a missed opportunity in most schools, even those with strong character education agendas.  Why are you, and your fellow students, here at all?” 

“Research shows that young people rarely have a sense of purpose.  Only about one in five high schoolers and one in three college-aged youth reports leading a life of purpose.” says Kendall Cotton Bronk, Associate Professor of Psychology in the Division of Behavioral and Social Sciences (Claremont Graduate University).   

RELATIONSHIP is the driver of change—underscored by a “Tremendous emphasis of listening and conversation.” (Brooks)  

We need to pay more attention to the “relationship factor” because strong relationships are the “life line” in helping to reduce behavior issues, improve classroom climate, enhance student attitudes and attention, and contribute to student achievement.  We know that positive relationships can help reduce the negative effects of stress and boost one’s self-esteem. 

Katrina Schwartz reports:  

“Classroom educators know better than anyone else how much of learning is built on the strength of relationships in the room.  When students like and trust their teacher, they learn better.  Veteran teachers know those factors often hinder teachers’ ability to form relationships.  But a slow shift may be coming as some school leaders are starting to recognize that the health and happiness of teachers, students, and staff depend on making space in school for relationship building.”  

Your take-aways:  

C-P-R is your and your students “life-line” to a peaceful, promising, and productive new school year.  

C-P-R captures essential behaviors that underscore the character formation of students.  

C-P-R must be taught and modeled.   

“At the end of the day, it’s not about what you have or even what you’ve accomplished.  It’s about what you’ve done with those accomplishments.  It’s about who you’ve lifted up, who you’ve made better.  It’s about what you’ve given back.”   —Denzel Washington     

Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center, SOLES

The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life, David Brooks. New York: Random House, 2019.  

William Damon, “Teachers can still instill sense of purpose,” Education Next, Summer 2009 / Vol. 9, No. 3

Kendall Cotton Bronk | Five Ways to Foster Purpose in Adolescents, December 21, 2017. 

Katrina Schwartz, Helping Teens Find Purpose: A Tool For Educators To Support Students’ Discovery, September 25, 2017 KQED News 

It’s August, Take a DIP! Dream, Imagine, Plan

“Dreams are the touchstones of our character.” — Henry David Thoreau 

“Imagination has no age and dreams are forever.” — Walt Disney Company

“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.” — Albert Einstein

“Without leaps of imagination or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities.  Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” — Gloria Steinem

A few months ago, I attended a high school graduation in which the principal concluded the ceremony shouting out to the 2019 graduates, “DREAM BIG!”

A few weeks ago, I read Zachery Roman’s article, “How I’m Encouraging My Kids to Dream Big and Aim High.”  He writes: 

“Take time to ask your child about his or her dreams and see if there are ways you can help your child achieve them.  Let your child know that no dream is too big or small to accomplish, but it will take hard work, dedication, and a determination to ‘leave no stone unturned’.” 

I also read Scott Jeffrey’s article, “How To Use Your Imagination,” in which he describes a method for producing creative work designed by the Disney organization.

“The Disney group differentiate three roles necessary for generating creative ideas and actualizing them: the Dreamer, the Realist, and the Critic.  The Dreamer accesses the unconscious by allowing the mind to wander without bounds.  Daydreaming isn’t just allowed; it’s encouraged.  The Realist accesses the conscious mind that organizes ideas, develops plans, and sets forth strategies for execution.  The Critic tests the plan, plays the role of Devil’s Advocate, and looks out for what could go wrong.”

DIPDreams, Imagination, and Planningare about character.  To do something with one’s dreams, with one’s imagination, requires having such character strengths as curiosity, open-mindedness, creativity, persistence, and grit.  All necessary skills for “planning.” 

Dreams, in other words, are “aspirations” defined as a “strongly desired goals or objectives.”  Writes Julie Connor:  Passion fuels dreams. Commitment fuels action. Get clear about what you want to do and why you want to do it.  Take action.”

As you know, psychologist Angela L. Duckworth’s research reveals that  “grit and self-control” can predict students’ likelihood of performing well academically, graduating from high school, and going on to college” [three Big Dreams]. 

A recent discovery for me had to do with the relationship between dreams and imagination.

“Imagination can take you everywhere from anywhere.  Everything you see around was once an imagination of someone.  Without imagination this world would come to still and there won’t be any new inventions.  Dreamers change the reality and bring the new way of doing monotonous work.  They make people’s lives easy with their craft.  These imagination quotes will give new dimensions to your creativity.  Be curious, be hungry.”

Interestingly, the American Society of Civil Engineers and the United Engineering Foundation offer a program called “Every Child Should Dream Big.”  These two groups have a campaign to place Dream Big [Imagination] educational toolkits [Planning] in every U.S. public school, plus many private schools, and schools around the world in countries including Canada, Jamaica, Saudi Arabia, and Madagascar!

In CERC’s July issue of News You Can Use, we began with our usual “Using Quotes in the Classroom” with the topic “Dream A Little – A Lesson.”

I leave it to you to decide why and how you might encourage your students, early in this new school year, to DREAM BIG, be IMAGINATIVE, and PLAN carefully.

Perhaps you could start with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s, “I Have a Dream” speech from August 28, 1963.  He offers eight “I have a dream” statements; your class discussion might begin with:

“I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center, SOLES 

August, 2019


The 90th annual MLB All-Star Game was played on July 9th at Progressive Field in Cleveland, Ohio.  The American League won the game for the seventh straight year.  Players are selected based on their SKILLS by three groups—fan voting, player voting, and the Commissioner’s office.  

In schools and classrooms, we call it the SKILLS GAME taught by All-Star Teachers at all grade levels.  The “fan voting” includes parents and students.  “Player voting” includes teachers and staff.  The “commissioner’s” selections are from school and district administrators. 

What might you find on a SKILLS SCORECARD?

On one of the older cards, you will find Bloom’s Taxonomy—the “go to game” for thinking skills a few decades ago.  

Many of you will remember the SCANS Scorecard, highlighting the need for employee skills in three general areas:  

  1. basic skills (reading, writing, math, listening, speaking);
  2. thinking skills (thinking creatively, making decisions, solving problems, reasoning); and
  3. personal qualities such as responsibility, self-esteem, sociability, self-management, and honesty.

You may have seen the Business World’s Scorecard where people are talking and writing about “soft skills.”

“Like it or not, emotions are an intrinsic part of our biological makeup, and every morning they march into the office (and our schools and classrooms) with us and influence our behavior.  Executives are starting to talk about the importance of such things as trust, confidence, empathy, adaptability and self-control.”    – Shari Caudron, “The Hard Case for Soft Skills”

Currently we have the 21st-Century Skills Scorecard that includes:

  • Ways of Thinking (creativity, critical thinking, problem-solving, decision-making and learning);
  • Ways of Working (communication and collaboration);
  • Tools for Working (communications technology and information literacy); and, 
  • Skills for Living (citizenship, life and career, and personal and social responsibility). 

Two skills that cut across all four categories are “collaborative problem solving” and “learning in digital networks.”

The Fortune 500 Companies Scorecard identifies five top qualities these companies seek in employees:  

  • Teamwork 
  • Problem solving
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Oral communication
  • Listening

Another Scorecard offered by the Pew Research Center showed that adults identified several essential skills that were most important for children and youth to learn “to get ahead in the world today.”  These included communication skills as the most important, followed by reading, math, teamwork, writing and logic. 

There are two other very essential Skills Scorecards.  One is on the topic of Emotional Intelligence (ET) and the other is a scorecard that describes Social Intelligence (SI).

You know well the All Star for Emotional Intelligence.  Psychologist Daniel Goleman hit a couple of “homeruns” with his books Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, and Working with Emotional Intelligence.  His scorecard included such skills as self-confidence, self-awareness, self-control, commitment and integrity.  

In discussing emotional intelligence, Daniel Goleman cites Peter Salovey, a Yale professor who categorized components of emotional and social skills into five areas: 

  • Knowing one’s emotions
  • Managing emotions
  • Motivating oneself
  • Recognizing emotions in others
  • Handling relationships

The scorecard for Social Intelligence is also revealing and relevant. 

“Social intelligence [social skills] is as important as IQ when it comes to happiness, health, and success.  Empathetic people are less likely to experience anxiety, depression, and addictions later in life.  They are also more likely to be hired, promoted, earn more money, and have happier marriages and better-adjusted children.” –Mitch Prinstein, Ph.D., Board-Certified Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychologist

“If we increase social skills, we see commensurate increases in academic learning.  That doesn’t mean that social skills (including cooperation and self-control) make you smarter; it means that these skills make you more amenable to learning.” – Stephen Elliott, Vanderbilt Peabody Education and Psychology Researcher and co-author of the newly published The Social Skills Improvement System.

Lastly, there is the Ten Skills Scorecard from the work of Stephen Elliott and Frank Gresham who surveyed over 8,000 teachers and examined 20 years of research in classrooms across the country.  They identified these top 10 skills that students need to succeed: 

  • Listen to others
  • Follow the steps
  • Follow the rules
  • Ignore distractions
  • Ask for help
  • Take turns when you talk
  • Get along with others
  • Stay calm with others
  • Be responsible for your behavior
  • Do nice things for others

“Top 10 Social Skills Students Need to Succeed,” Research News at Vanderbilt University, 9-27-2007

Does this sound like the “skills-game“ teachers are now playing in schools and classrooms?  If so, then give these teachers your vote and be sure they are rewarded for being an ALL-STAR. 

Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center, University of San Diego. BLOG, July 2019


By Ed DeRoche, Ph.D.

One of my favorite movies was E.T. You may recall a scene in that movie where the two brothers, after spending sometime with E.T., mount their bicycles to go to school, and the older brother asks, “Did you tell him about school yet?” The younger brother answers,  “How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?”

Not easy! But the question served as an idea for this blog. Namely, how to explain character education to parents and the public? The answer: define character, character education, and describe a framework that their school and school district might use in one form or another.

Here is what we know about character:

Character is learned—taught to the young by the entertainment industry, the media, the internet, the environment they live in, their peers and role models, and hopefully by parents, teachers, schools, youth agencies, and religious institutions.

Character is about “strengths” and virtues that guide an individual “to act in an ethical, pro-social manner.”

Character is about choices – the ones we make daily (good or bad, ethical or unethical). It is about decision-making – the circumstances, the risks, the chances, the consequences, and the rewards.

Character is about relationships and social skills—skills such as sharing, participating, following directions, and listening. It is learning how to be a friend, how to care for others, how to appreciate others, how to be polite, respectful, courteous, trusting, etc. Character is about “emotional” self-discipline and how to resolve conflicts peacefully.

Character education is “education that nurtures and promotes the ethical, intellectual, social and emotional development of individuals. It is a continuous learning process that enables young people and adults to become moral, caring, reflective, responsible individuals. Character education represents a relationship between knowledge, values and skills necessary for success in life.” (

For years, we have been using the umbrella as a metaphor to help our colleagues, students, educators, parents and others better understand and appreciate what character education is and why it is necessary. The metaphor provides a framework for schools and school districts.

The HANDLE of a school’s character education umbrella could represent, for example, Seligman & Peterson’s 24-character strengths listed under six broad virtues of character:

1) Strengths of Wisdom and Knowledge
2) Strengths of Courage
3) Strengths of Humanity
4) Strengths of Justice
5) Strengths of Temperance
6) Strengths of Transcendence.

Their 24 character strengths include: creativity; curiosity; judgment; love-of-learning; perspective; bravery; honesty; perseverance; zest; kindness; love; social intelligence; fairness; leadership; teamwork; forgiveness; humility; prudence; self-regulation; appreciation of beauty; gratitude; hope; humor; and spirituality.

Most umbrellas have EIGHT PANELS.  Each of the eight panels tells us how we develop, nurture, foster, teach, and promote the core virtues/strengths in the HANDLE.

Panel One: Vision, Mission, Goals, Objectives

Clear statements about each are crucial to communicating the “who, what and why” of your character education program, practices and projects.

“Good character is not formed automatically; it is developed over time through a sustained process of teaching, modeling, learning, and experience.” – Maryland State Department of Education

Panel Two: Academic Programs & Standards

Character Strengths – Emotional Intelligence – Social Skills & Relationships – Civics – Citizenship

“…Without good character, individuals may lack the desire to do the right thing. Character strengths, when exercised, not only prevent undesirable life outcomes but are important in their own right as markers and indeed causes of healthy life-long development.” (Park & Peterson)

Howard, Gardner: “Your EQ is the level of your ability to understand other people, what motivates them and how to work cooperatively with them.”

The distinct advantage of learning social skills are: more & better relationships, better communication, greater efficiency, advancing career opportunities, and increasing overall happiness.  Preparing students in four key areas of civic readiness: knowledge (of government, civic rights); skills (public advocacy, gathering and processing different viewpoints); actions (volunteering, voting); and dispositions (concern for others’ constitutional rights and freedoms, respect for processes and laws governing the republic). Nebraska State Board of Education

Panel Three: Classroom Climate & School Culture

Behaviors – Attitudes – Expectations – Hidden curriculum – Assemblies – Celebrations – Award events – Honoring student’s voice & ideas

Schools that are infusing character education into their curricula and cultures are seeing dramatic transformations; pro-social behaviors… are replacing negative behaviors. When you walk into a character education school… you find an atmosphere of mutual caring and respect, where students value learning and care about their teachers, classmates, communities, and themselves. (

Panel Four: Curriculum

There are 3- B ways for you and others to examine before creating a character education program at your school or at the district level:

Buy It. Borrow it. Or Build it.

Don’t reinvent the wheel. Check the research, find out what works, examine programs in other school districts, talk to experts. When you have the information you need create a character education program that fits the culture of your school district. t is important to remember that no two schools are alike even in the same school district. All schools have their own “personality.”  Note the list in Panel 8.

Panel Five: Extracurricular Programs

Studies have shown that students who participated in school-based extracurricular activities had higher grades, higher academic aspirations, better academic attitudes, leadership and time management skills, and social skills than those who were not involved in extracurricular activities.

The character-related values for students participating in school extracurricular activities include leadership, adaptability, social skills, grit, perseverance, responsibility, and sense of community, teamwork, and aspirations. Margo Gardner, a research scientist at Columbia University’s National Center for Children and Families (NSCF), has calculated that the odds of attending college were 97 percent higher for youngsters who took part in school- sponsored activities for two years than for those who didn’t do any school activities.

Panel Six: Assessment/Evaluation

I suggest the creation of a school or district character education assessment committee (CEAC). At some point there are six questions that should be answered.

1) What should we assess (audit)?
2) When should we start assessing the program?
3) Who should do the assessment?
4) How will we do the assessment –what instruments should we use?
5) What should be our assessment plan –a year plan?
6) What do we plan to do with assessment results?

3 Ways to Assess School Climate & Character by  One = Give students surveys about character & climate regularly Two = Incorporate character & climate into teacher/staff evaluations Three = Create an effective induction  process for new teachers. 11 Principles of Effective Character Education

Panel Seven: Partnerships & Community-based Programs

Character education is and has always been a community affair enhanced by strong and effective family, school, and community partnerships.  School-community partners provide resources to a school and expand the number of people participating in modeling good  character and help promote character education.

“Partnerships are essential for helping students achieve at their maximum potential. Partnerships are a shared responsibility. In effective partnership programs schools and other community agencies and organizations engage families in meaningful and culturally appropriate ways, and families take initiative to actively support their children’s development and learning.”  – National Center on Safe Supportive Learning Environments

Panel Eight:  Special Programs (examples)

Anger management, conflict resolution, social-emotional learning, drug & alcohol use/abuse violence prevention, peace education, anti-bullying programs, student leadership programs, mindfulness strategies, restorative justice, positive behavioral Interventions & supports (PBIS)

Three questions for you:

1) How well do you or others explain your school’s character education program (if you have one) to parents and the community

2) What’s under your school’s character education umbrella?

3) What “metaphor,” if any, would you use as framework for your school’s character education initiatives?

Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center, SOLES, June 2019

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Apology, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Love

Last month I read a novel titled, The Hummingbird, by Stephen P Kiernan, (Harper Collins Publishers, 2015).  In the book one of the characters asked another “what would be your answer to each of these four questions?”

Is there anyone you need to say ‘I’m sorry’ to?

Is there anyone you need to say ‘I forgive you’ to?

Is there anyone you need to say ‘thank you’ to?

Is there anyone you need to say ‘I love you’ to?

I bookmarked the page saying to myself, “Here is your May Blog – apology, forgiveness, gratitude (thanks), and love.”

I was struck by the power of the four questions and what they say about “reflection” – something I do not think we do often in our classrooms.  As you know, ”reflection” is a component in learning, a source of both knowledge and beliefs, and an aspect of critical thinking—looking back on the implications of one’s actions. 

I asked a few teachers what they thought about the idea of having students answer these questions about once a month during class-meeting time.  

“I like it!  What a good way to teach students to reflect on the substance of the questions.  I would have them write down their answers and discuss them in class, but only those students who want to do so publicly.”

Another teacher suggested that she would have her students add their own reflective question(s) to the list. 

I have written about gratitude (thanks) and love in two previous blogs—November 2018 and February 2019.  Before we revisit those two virtues, some commentary about “apology and forgiveness.”


The question—how does one “apologize?” 

How to apologize can be the key to getting true forgiveness and moving a relationship forward in a positive way,” writes Marlee McKee.  McKee offers seven tips for apologizing sincerely and successfully:  

  1. Ask for permission to apologize.  
  2. Let them know that you realize you hurt them.  
  3. Tell them how you plan to right the situation.  
  4. Let them know that inherent in your apology is a promise that you
    won’t do what you did again.
  5. After you’ve talked through things, formally ask them for forgiveness.  
  6. Consider following up with a handwritten note.  
  7. Now it’s time for both people to go forth and live out their promises.


Teaching children “forgiveness” as you may have guessed, is a parent and teacher responsibility.  Enright and Fitzgibbons write that “Forgiveness is a virtue hard to exercise and challenging to implement in the face of injustice, but one that offers a concrete hope for peace.” 

They recommend “family forgiveness gatherings” at least once a week, such as during mealtimes, to talk about “what forgiveness means, how it feels, and what is easy and hard about.”  Here is a strategy that would work in the classroom as well. 

Robert Enright, Forgiveness is a Choice (Washington: APA, 2001); Robert Enright and
Richard Fitzgibbons, Helping Clients Forgive (Washington: APA, 2000); cf. International Forgiveness Institute, web-site:

Jamie Perillo, LPC, a child and family psychotherapist and parent educator, offers seven ideas to help parents and teachers get started on teaching children forgiveness.  He notes that to forgive is to say, “I do not like your words or actions, but I am willing to let it go because it does not help me to hold onto these feelings.”  He suggests that we look beyond the action and explore the person—helping her/him to answer the question: “what triggered the behavior?”

Perillo also suggests that the child (student) should be encouraged to “identify the feeling” he/she is experiencing (anger, embarrassment, disappointment) and then “state the feeling before offering forgiveness.”  

We need to teach our children at home and in school that there are usually two or more sides to an issue or problem.  We need to teach our kids to be able to see things from the other side. Forgiving is much easier when we know the whole story and not just half of it.  Ask your kids how they would want someone to respond when they did something wrong.  They would want to be forgiven.  Then tell them to do likewise.”

Gratitude (Thanks)

In the November blog, I wrote that Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude, said:  You literally cannot overplay the hand of gratitude; the grateful mind reaps massive benefits in every domain of life that has been examined so far.  There are countless ways in which gratitude could pay off in the workplace” (and in homes and schools).

I wrote that studies have shown that people who experience gratitude and thanks have more positive emotions (joy, love, happiness) and exhibit fewer negative emotions (bitterness, envy, resentment.)  The “gratitude experience” also contributes to feelings of connectedness, relationships, and better physical health.


In the “What’s LOVE got to do with it?” blog, I noted that, Barbara Fredrickson, psychologist and author of the book Positivity, discusses “the science of happiness” and ten positive emotions including love.  

“Love,” she writes, “comes into play in a close and safe relationship.  Love is the most common feeling of positivity and comes in surges.  Love fosters warmth and trust with the people who mean the most to us.  Love makes us want to do and be better people.”

This might be a good time for you to reflect on each of the four questions and plan your next steps.  Take 10 minutes and ask yourself “is there anyone I need to say I’m sorry, I forgive you, I thank you, I love you to?”

Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center, SOLES
May, 2019

Relationships: Teacher-Student and Teacher-Class

April 2019 Blog
By Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center

Sometimes the things you want the most don’t happen and what you least expect happens. I don’t know – you meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you. And then you meet one person and your life is changed forever. Jamie Randall (Jake Gyllenhaal), Love & Other Drugs

That person could be a teacher! So, let’s talk about teacher-student and  teacher-class relationships. The first, teacher as coach/adviser/counselor. The second, teacher as conductor/director/ringmaster. 

Both are grounded (or should be) in “relationships” that are positive, rewarding, and productive. Students deserve teachers who are encouraging conductors of learning rather than domineering ringmasters focused on maintaining order. 

In the March 13th issue of Education Week (, Sarah D. Sparks wrote an article titled, “Why Teacher-Student Relationships Matter.” She framed her full-page report around five questions. I have marked the author’s quotes with “SS.” All other quotes come from different references. 

1. Why are student-teacher relationships important? 

Positive teacher-student relationships are associated with fewer disruptive behaviors and suspensions, and lower school dropout rates. 

A teacher’s relationship with students is the best predictor of how much the teacher experienced joy versus anxiety in class. 

2. How does a teacher’s approach affect that relationship? 

Sometimes teachers don’t understand the importance that their relationship with each student has on that student’s identity and sense of belonging. Vicki Nishioka, researcher with Education Northwest (SS) 

Emotional control, and social and relationship skills are learned behaviors that must be taught and practiced by all students. Enter—the teacher! The ones that know how to counsel and conduct; the ones that respect, care about and show concern for the character development of their students. The ones that create a positive learning environment and show that they care are most likely to have their students reciprocate and show respect for them and their fellow classmates. 

3. How can teachers improve their relationships with students?

In a word: Empathy. (SS) 

We know from the work of Goleman and others that emotional intelligence consists of four attributes: self-awareness, self- management, social awareness, and relationship management. (You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.) 

Research shows that teachers who cultivate empathy for and with their students are able to manage students’ behavior and academic engagement better. 

4. How can teachers maintain healthy boundaries with students? 

Experts caution that for teachers and students, “relationship” does not equal “friend,” particularly on social media. (SS) 

Most school districts have rules guiding teachers about using social media such as Facebook and Twitter. Teachers can create “healthy boundaries,” by using common sense, by being honest with students about who want to share their personal stories, and, of course, there are always the liability issues. 

5. How can relationships with students support teacher quality? 

(Use) student feedback to improve teaching practices, and in particular, such feedback can be used to help teachers build deeper relationships with students. (SS) 

Strong teacher-student relationships have long been considered a foundational aspect of a positive school experience. – Clayton Cook, Professor, University of Minnesota 

I conclude by quoting Neville Billimoria, a friend and Vice President, Mission Federal Credit Union. Neville writes a weekly column called “Soul Food Friday.” 

In one recent posting, he addressed teachers directly about developing positive relationships with students. 

Author Andy Stanley once said, “Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.” Far too many principals share rules with their teachers but they don’t have a relationship with them. And far too many teachers don’t have positive relationships with their students. So what happens? Teachers and students disengage from the mission of the school….To develop positive relationships you need to enhance communication, build trust, listen to them, make time for them, recognize them, show them you care through your actions and mentor them. Take the time to give them your best and they will give you their best. 

Great companies that build an enduring brand have an emotional relationship with customers that has no barrier. And that emotional relationship is on the most important characteristic, which is trust. —Howard Schultz, Businessman 

March Madness – With Character Comments

“Love never fails. Character never quits. And with patience and persistence, dreams do come true.” –  “Pistol” Pete Maravich, LSU and three NBA teams (Perhaps the greatest creative offensive talent in history

As many of you know, this is March Madness month.  The term is believed to have been created by Henry V. Potter, assistant executive secretary of the Illinois High School Association in 1939—the year of the first NCAA men’s basketball tournament—Oregon beat OSU 46-33.

For the first 12 years of the men’s tournament only eight teams participated.  In 2001, a 65-team tournament format was created.  Credit  television—it put the tournament on the national map.  Now the tournament breaks into four regions of 16 teams.  The winning teams from those regions comprise the Final Four.

The NCAA held its first women’s basketball tournament in 1982.  The women’s tournament started with 32 teams, expanding to 64 teams in the 1994 season.  Today, the women’s format echoes the men’s. The women’s final championship game is played the day after the men’s game.

The tournament is a“gamblers paradise.”  According to the American Gaming Association, fans wagered more than $2 billion on March Madness Brackets for the 2015 tournament.  One stat-group estimated that last year American companies lost about $1.9 billion in wages paid to unproductive workers spending company time on betting pool priorities. MM generates big bucks for gamblers, businesses, and athletic programs.

The excitement is on the court watching the talented young women and men give their all for their school.

“A team isn’t a bunch of kids out to win.  A team is something you belong to, something you feel, something you have to earn.”  – Gordon Bombay, The Mighty Ducks

A question generally asked is “does participation in sports build character?”  As I look at it, it’s a “jump ball” or a “tie” game—a debatable issue.  I’m on the “it does” side.  Heywood Hale Broun (American author, sportswriter, commentator) noted: ”Sports do not build character, they reveal it.”

The second question that usually follows is “what do you mean by character?”  This question suggests that those on either side should, at the very least, be on the same page in defining what character is and what it means.

“A person of character,” writes Lickona and Davidson (Smart and Good High Schools-Integrating Excellence and Ethics for Success School, Work, and Beyond), “embodies both performance and moral character.”

They note that “performance character” is not the same as performance (an outcome), but has certain qualities needed for the further development of one’s potential toward excellence, such as, effort, diligence, perseverance, and self-discipline.  “Moral character is relational, encompassing such qualities as integrity, justice, caring and respect.”

I have been using this definition.  Character is about behavior, about how one acts. It is about the choices that one makes.  It is about relationships (empathy, compassion, fairness).  It is about virtues (respect, responsibility, honesty) that inform the choices one makes.  Character, in sports, is about providing student-athletes opportunities to study, clarify, reflect, decide, practice and act on such virtues as respect, responsibility, perseverance, honesty, empathy, grit, discipline, loyalty, perseverance, teamwork, sportsmanship, and leadership.  For student-athletes it is about sacrifice, commitment, and competition.

The game winner:  “Good character on and off the field or court should be nurtured; bad character should be corrected.”

Many believe that the purpose of sports in schools, at all levels, should be to help participants learn the lessons of good character.

My “Three-pointer”:

1) “The best way to promote what is best about sports with young athletes is to engage in these kinds of practical activities that encourage sportsmanship and other virtues, so that the old adage that “sports build character” is not just a cliché, but an accurate description of what happens on the field.”  – Craig Clifford and Randolph Feezell, Sports and Character

2) “Well-organized sport character education can provide powerful contexts for the teaching and learning of good moral habits.  For character education programs to succeed, athletes need both thinking and reasoning programs, role models, a supportive environment, and the strong moral/philosophical commitment of community members, parents, coaches, teachers, students, boosters, and the media.”  – Jennifer Beller, ERICDIGEST, ORG.-ED477729 – 2002

3) “A sport experience can build character, but only if the environment is structured, and a stated and planned goal is to develop character. This kind of environment must include all individuals (coaches, administrations, parents, participants, etc.) who are stakeholders in the sport setting.”    – Joseph Doty, Journal of College and Character

Let the games begin and the low seeds win!

Overtime: Ten years ago my colleague CJ Moloney and I created a course titled “Character and Athletics” which is offered every semester.  In the course, students examine their personal character development through:

  • experiences in athletics;
  • investigating and critiquing programs that are designed to enhance the character of athletes;
  • discussing/debating historical and current issues that promote or negate character development and ethical behaviors;
  • and, exploring the role of athletics as a catalyst for social justice.

Then we developed a Character and Athletics Course offered by USD’s Professional and Continuing Education.  The course was designed for K-12 teachers, coaches, camp counselors and other athletic leaders interested in cultivating an ethical athletic culture focused on positive leadership, community building, and respect for diversity.  For more information: Professional and Continuing Education Character and Athletics

Ed DeRoche, Director, Character Education Resource Center, University of San Diego
March 2019 Blog